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Open Poetry #32
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D3M0CR@CY
| Open Poetry #32 |
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D3M0CR@CY |
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swatcatpettus Member
since 2004-04-12
Posts 57CA |
The topics of oil and coal Create these bloodbaths of hate and pride All over the stupid price of money or fame These horrors could have easily been prevented But with one word they were unleashed Reaking havoc to all This democracy promises hope and fortune But in reality we recieve anger and fear We are the victims of the only one that represnts us Mr.President, you shall never have my ears What is patriotism? Savagely slaying in the eyes of our fathers? Taxing to the point of poverty? Recruting the youth to do our dirty work? No Patriotism is being free |
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| © Copyright 2004 swatcatpettus - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Interesting rant, not correct though Patriotism n love and loyal or zealous support of one’s own country, especially in all matters involving other countries, nationalism. (Webster’s Dictionary) Freedom has nothing to do with patriotism, there are many patriotic citizens of Iran, Uganda, Chili, ect. but I would not vouch for the freedom in any of those places. Your rant, not particularly poetic, but intense. I would suggest you place your words in a format that can express your beliefs and Make a greater impact. Something with a consistent meter and rhyme pattern. Just a suggestion Gloom |
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Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
This was an interesting read. I can't say that I totally agree with it, however, I did enjoy the way you expressed yourself. I have to agree that Patriotism isn't "freedom", though... Here are another quote that you might consider: Wars frequently begin ten years before the first shot is fired. -K.K.V. Casey Dr. Gloom... I also do not agree that he must put his words into a specific rhyme or meter to be more poetic, or even poetic at all... The best work I ahve ever done as a poet has been where I DIDN'T worry about the rhyme or the meter, rather just dealt with free-verse. Many of the greatest poets in history have also dealt with their words in that exact way. I think the poem could be better, however as a free-verse. JMHO I AM smiling... |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
He could at least learn how to spell... or use a spellchecker before posting. "I have gone away. The bed is cold and empty. Trees bend their boughs toward the earth. And nighttime birds float as black faces. |
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blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
I'm sorry but I don't think that Webster's definition of a word should be used to critisize a poem. Poetry is all about expressing how You think something is. This is my favorite poem that I've read in while. I have a very similar perspective of war and politics. Definitly awesome. I'm looking forward to reading more from you. "love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die" |
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swatcatpettus Member
since 2004-04-12
Posts 57CA |
Thank you all for your annyoing negative comments. I really like how when I express my feelings, they get thrown back at me. And Opeth, thank you soo much for recommending a spell check, and maybe while im spell checking, I'll be like Gloom and look up some words,maybe inconsiderate, and find OPETH as the definition. I'm not tyring to be an ass, really I'm not, but poetry is art, art is subjective, and to call my poem "wrong" or "not poetry" totally defies the meaning of poetry and or art. |
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swatcatpettus Member
since 2004-04-12
Posts 57CA |
And thank you so much blackandwhitehorizon for respecting my work,(I was writing the previous comment as you worte yours, so it is not at all geared at you.) |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
"I'll be like Gloom and look up some words,maybe inconsiderate, and find OPETH as the definition. I'm not tyring to be an ass, really I'm not, but poetry is art, art is subjective, and to call my poem "wrong" or "not poetry" totally defies the meaning of poetry and or art." ~ Excuse me... but when did I call your poem "wrong" or "not poetry?" Wait, I'll answer for you, I didn't. ~ Btw, the Opeth is a progressive metal band, named after a landmark on the moon. If Opeth were in the dictionary, that is what you would find. "I have gone away. The bed is cold and empty. Trees bend their boughs toward the earth. And nighttime birds float as black faces. |
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swatcatpettus Member
since 2004-04-12
Posts 57CA |
Dude, I was talking about gloom, he was the one who called my poem wrong or, "not correct", you just told me to spellcheck, which I took personally. I know my poems have spelling and grammatical errors, that is what make them, MINE. And I know who Opeth is, I was just insulting you. (DUH) |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
"Dude, I was talking about gloom, he was the one who called my poem wrong or, "not correct", you just told me to spellcheck, which I took personally. I know my poems have spelling and grammatical errors, that is what make them, MINE. And I know who Opeth is, I was just insulting you. (DUH)" ~ LOL! Your above statement not only contradicts your previous statement... no, you are not worth my time. Good luck. "I have gone away. The bed is cold and empty. Trees bend their boughs toward the earth. And nighttime birds float as black faces. |
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swatcatpettus Member
since 2004-04-12
Posts 57CA |
Ignorance is bliss........Opeth must be pretty damn blissful. |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
Ouch guys! But it is good to debate. And aren't we glad we live in a Country in which we can debate and disagree openly. Not to mention express our opinions. There are some countries in which you are dragged out of your house in the middle of the night and tortured for expressing your opinion. Susan |
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swatcatpettus Member
since 2004-04-12
Posts 57CA |
It is fortunate we live in a place that offers freedom of speech |
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mrmojorisin5908 Member
since 2004-05-03
Posts 103Colorado |
Freedom calls for expression of all views. I think this poem conveys the exact meaning of freedom. To everyone that has put down the poem im dissapointed. Don't knock something because it may go against your conservative beliefs. And I agree, poetry is what an individual thinks it is. The POEM was different from the norm but it hits the heart and makes you think. That is why i think this poem is so great. It's disturbingly powerful. Well written buddy! |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
To the poor cat Oh boo hoo, What am I to do? Unable to catch a meaning Turn mean and name calling Critique is so personal And not the least bit instructional So names to them I’ll call But the moderators won’t let me curse at all And I am too limited In youthful simple minded To attempt and waste my time Making a good and simple rhyme I can’t So I rant Oh boo hoo Not even a haiku About political policy In poetry Politics Oh the coal and oil Deep beneath the sand and soil Create bloodbaths high above Greed overcoming love. Promise us hope and fortune Yet sing a different tune Giving us anger and fears And complaints go to deaf ears Mister President Is this what we represent? Make us proud of our nation Spirit’s emancipation, Save our youth from this your war Give us trust and peace once more. granted a more poetic present is a bit more difficult but it might show you thought about it and perhaps believe it rather than just rant, Gloom PS misspelling don’t make it yours It just makes it less readable |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Two wrong don't make a right. Those choosing to critique a poem because they don't like the theme demonstrate little more than their own biases, and that's especially obvious when they do so in the face of a Critique Flag turned off. Those choosing to respond to critique with childish insults demonstrate their own lack of conviction and confidence. Two wrongs don't make a right. They do, however, get poems closed. I'm sorely disappointed. |
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