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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2004-04-22 12:24 PM

This is my attempt to make a metaphorical poem, not a poem which contains some
                             metaphors, note: not very pc, though:

                             Plumbing...

                             seems to have a certain formula
                             by which to attain successful flow
                             those who’ve pondered and surrendered
                             are surely those who are in the know

                             seems that pipes have been made gendered
                             male and female ends they own
                             should one try to match the like ones
                             all they’ll utter is a groan

                             for dripping/flooding will ensue there
                             as the union cannot jive
                             one would need to find a coupling
                             of an op’site gendered side.

                             no production of any semblance
                             will occur should one try to marry
                             two female ends or males by chance
                             for not one iota will they carry
                             liquid refreshment to the dance

                             everyone knows it takes two to tango
                             but should one try to dance by chance
                             there will only be a shadow boxing
                             of two figures in a trance

                             for making sweet music together
                             that will bring a blessing in tow
                             opposites make a better connection
                             through which a seed may bloom and grow

                             ©April 22, 2004

                             (I need help with #4, I want to say all that’s there, but the line count and rhythm
                             are off, of course, from the remainder of the piece.)

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2004-04-22 12:27 PM

I think it's good the way it is...I do that sometimes too. It just adds to the quality.

The theme is good too.

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

2 posted 2004-04-22 05:54 PM

I hear you... and I'm with you. I think P.C. often is I.C.-- "incorrect." (I agree with Passing Shadows, good the way it is written.)

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

3 posted 2004-04-22 06:03 PM

Very clever writing!

.....jo

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

4 posted 2004-04-22 06:36 PM

Just too cool!
JL

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

5 posted 2004-04-22 06:45 PM

Leave it the way it is, the poem was amazing!
Jon

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

6 posted 2004-04-22 07:58 PM

Very creative. Enjoyed.

Susan

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