with so much practice, why?

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Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

0 posted 2004-06-21 01:12 AM

Nights, I’m afraid of them
for fear that I’ll awake
to death

If I don’t go to sleep
I’ll be up to feel
the life

Mixed up times,
day, night
death, life.

With so much practice
why do I fear
it so?

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

1 posted 2004-06-21 01:20 AM

Fascinating and thought provoking piece. Very interesting read. Something to chew on. Enjoyed.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

2 posted 2004-06-21 01:21 AM

It sounds as tho' you have had far more practice than you deserve! I can understand why you burn the midnight oil! ~ But you need your rest Dear One so that you can better handle come what may!

Warm, nighttime hugs,
Linda

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-06-21 03:37 AM

I wonder it too

Kevo
Member

since 2004-06-02

Posts 466
Navarro County, Texas, USA

4 posted 2004-06-21 06:12 AM

I don't fear death. I fear not seeing my wife and children again. As for my life, I have loved, had children, been a successful hunter, been successful at work, bought a small slice of Texas heaven, got insurance, got a nice nest egg building, except for not seeing them again. I could die tomorrow with a smile on my face...no regrets. I do, however, often wonder how my wife will do in my absence. History suggests that I will be gone long before her. It rips my heart out thinking of that goodbye. That's what keeps me awake thinking about death. Not the fear at all. but nice poem. Very thought provoking and well constructed.

Kevin

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

5 posted 2004-06-21 06:53 AM

"With so much practice
why do I fear
it so?"

Your ending really took me by surprise, Sadelite. You've left me pondering with this piece ... I really enjoyed the perspective you wrote this from. Well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

6 posted 2004-06-21 07:33 AM

Oil me a midnight
So I can slip to sleep
Like death

To speed it dreamless
Without a single peep
From life

To well the knowing
Flowing death and time
So near

Hid well the meaning
From tired eyes and mind
So far.

Gloom

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

7 posted 2004-06-21 10:33 AM

Gloom,
I think I did this backward.  My retorts are in quotations.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oil me a midnight
So I can slip to sleep
Like death

   "Towel me dry a midnight
   I've so many daydreams left uncried
   so many made unright"

To speed it dreamless
Without a single peep
From life

    "No, Slow the record to 33
    so that I might climb aboard;
    Death too silent, leaves only
    ugly dreams.

    Play me 33 in drawn out voice-
    low pitches, so that hurt can slowly
    seep."

To well the knowing
Flowing death and time
So near

    "Let stones fall that well
    splashing as they go!
    Let Death be splattered
    on its way to hell."

Hid well the meaning
From tired eyes and mind
So far.

    "What be the meaning
    hidden in bows and wooden box?
    I splatter Death
    in Life's wishing well."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here i am, playing devil's advocate again.  (or should I say devil's adversary?  unsure, as usual)   Thanks for your poem, Gloom.  I couldn't help spooning some back.

          Cathy

Ericc
Member Elite

since 2003-01-31

Posts 4178

8 posted 2004-06-21 10:42 AM

Very powerful.

Without the contrast of death would life be so precious?
Many of us live life as if death were so far...and suffer in the end to the things we never said or did.

Make friends with death...our only true companion. It will reveal the secrets of life with the gentle urge of love's expansion. We only have Now...

Love,
Eric

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

9 posted 2004-06-21 10:56 AM

Sadie, very interesting and well written ponderings above, all. I am reminded of something from Dune -- "Fear is the mind killer." I think these are very important words to remember in the times we live. So, do not fear. Love.......Jo

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

10 posted 2004-06-21 10:57 AM

I forgot to add my own quote -- "Do not fear life either."

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

11 posted 2004-06-21 10:58 AM

Eric,
   (I appreciate your thoughts and consideration.)

Without the contrast of death would life be so precious?  (I've known that contrast since I was eleven or twelve.  I'm tired of it.  It seems I live more in death that life, although I fake it to those around me pretty well)
Many of us live life as if death were so far...and suffer in the end to the things we never said or did.  (I have said and done all I can do.  I have given all I can give.)

Make friends with death...our only true companion. It will reveal the secrets of life with the gentle urge of love's expansion. We only have Now...  (No, Sweetums, I have "then".  It was much prettier than now.  The only pretty thing about death is the chance of heaven.  And that, it seems is further and further from my desire or capabilities.)

  (Your post was very, very sweet and genuine.  I do appreciate it...I'm just down in the dumps and grumpy.  Forgive me.   I'll wallow out before long...  Your response meant a lot to me (I hope my response to this was not hurtful-I'm doing a lot of fighting within and my words may not be coming out as gently as I'd like.)

Love,
Eric

[This message has been edited by Sadelite (06-21-2004 11:31 PM).]

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

12 posted 2004-06-21 11:04 AM

Jo,
  I hear you and appreciate the advice.  Gotta start quoting those words and get off my --- computer chair.  "Today is the day the Lord hath made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it..."   It gets me through most of the time.  Sorry to break down...
           Love you.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

13 posted 2004-06-21 11:28 AM

well said....I too, sometimes fear the night, it leaves more time to think.....

~~**~~
le vent chante avec le calme doux
calme de nuit
sien beauté sur mes lèvres
~~**~~

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

14 posted 2004-06-21 11:46 AM

Sometimes the things we know hurt most, because we know them.... and so they are worse than the things we don't.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

15 posted 2004-06-21 02:39 PM

Susan, Kevo, Earth Angel, greeneyes, Ratleader, passing shadow, and Kit- thank you all for taking time to respond.  Your responses hold answers and questions.  Thank you so much.
          Sadelite

Earth Angel,
  After being out in the sunlight on my way home from piano lessons, I remembered near death experiences of my children.  I had forgotten how lucky I am to have them...  Thank you, Linda.
       Sadelite

Goodknight
Member Elite

since 2002-06-15

Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

16 posted 2004-06-21 08:41 PM

very thought provoking write here Sadie - maybe in the knowing there is too much to know - well I will ponder this a lot more - Paul

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

17 posted 2004-06-21 08:41 PM

Sadelite,
Questions I faced in my twenties with much intensity. The longer I dodged the question the more intense I felt. I can relate, but don't miss those days a bit, even when I can't sleep.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

18 posted 2004-06-21 08:50 PM

Goodknight,
   You know, Goodknight, Ohio is lucky to have you.  I'm thankful, too.
                 Sadelite

Larry C.,
   I've let death and loss roll off my feathers for so long, trying to cover it with new bits of life.  There comes a point of supersaturation.  I'm glad that you don't linger in those times.  Thanks for sharing
               Sadelite

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

19 posted 2004-06-21 10:02 PM

After three close family members deaths in two weeks I remember a time where I refused to answer the phone, afraid I'd get a call saying someone else had died. I didn't sleep then either, because if I did then it meant I'd wake up to another bad day, it was easier to just have one long bad day.
Anyway, just saying that to show any of my own understanding, because, though I've never been in your shoes, I know that kind of shoes are uncomfortable, 'cause I still struggle in wearing them.
Just hang in there... I'll pray things get easier and soon.
Oh, and this is a great write...

Always, Alyssa
PS. Psalm 46:10 (that one gets me through most of the time)

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
Joyce kilmer

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

20 posted 2004-06-21 10:17 PM

GG,
  Thank you.  I'll try to appreciate the stillness more and try not to squirm out of my skin!  Sometimes, I do crave the still.
  Thanks, Alyssa
                 Sadelite

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

21 posted 2004-06-24 07:28 PM

Hey Sadelite...I LOVE THIS! Why? Gee I suppose because it really sounds like my life. Who sleeps? I wish I did. So tired lately. Even with the Effexor, Ambien, and Trazadone I take for my insomnia disorder lately I can't get any sleep. This poem reminds me of me. With so much practice you'd think I would be the perfect insomniac...but after 72 hours of wakefulness even I am ready to crash. Night my friend.

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

22 posted 2004-06-24 08:12 PM

EV2,
It's good to hear from you again. I wish you rest, my internet friend.
Sadelite

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

23 posted 2004-06-25 02:33 AM

hello,I gotta say this wasn't one of my favs by you. I wasn't going to comment, but I like commenting on your poems. I liked the last line, though it seemed like you wrote the poem just to get that line in...is this so?
Collen

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

24 posted 2004-06-25 05:19 AM

i understand...

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

25 posted 2004-06-25 01:37 PM

This one touches me deeply... this has been such a hard year... and with the grief of this latest loss is fear instilled by the fragility I see in my dad... Some things don't get any easier at all with practice... or repeated lessons.

Wonderful write!!

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

26 posted 2004-06-27 04:18 PM

Hey Sadelite...I know I already read this one once...but I am not ready to let it slip away yet so I am bumping it back to the top of the list again. (Wink!)

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

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