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Open Poetry #32
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wornways
Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204
CA, USA

0 posted 2004-06-19 02:54 AM


The Lotus Tree

Part I

The Grove

Twisted by the briny winds, the elder redwoods twine;
A grove of serpent gestures, writhing wood and bark,
Lean above a shaded trail that weaves a crooked line.

Shifting through the canopy, capricious streamers shine
With slanted golden hues in patterns vague and sparse;
Twisted by the briny winds, the elder redwoods twine.

Broken twigs and fallen needles lay in shades of brown,
A fragrant forest floor where old dryadic hearts
Lean above a shaded trail that weaves a crooked line.

Rolling rumbles from the sea reveal a distant rune;
An incantation thunders upon the ocean’s marge;
Twisted by the briny winds, the elder redwoods twine.

Phantom figures haunt the gloom, enfolded deep in fern;
Contorted trunks and boughs, by ancient fires charred,
Lean above a shaded trail that weaves a crooked line.

Light and bright amid her peers, one sagess stands alone
And looms a splendid sight, the redwood matriarch;
Twisted by the briny winds, the elder redwoods twine,
Lean above a shaded trail that weaves a crooked line.

[This message has been edited by wornways (06-21-2004 05:22 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 Erin A. Thomas - All Rights Reserved
Kevo
Member
since 2004-06-02
Posts 466
Navarro County, Texas, USA
1 posted 2004-06-19 03:08 AM


Incredibly vivid and masterfully constructed.  It flowed so well.  It is such an amazing keeper of a poem.  I can't wait to read the other parts to this poem.  I used to live in California myself and remember well the majestic redwood forest in Northwestern CA and my personal favorite the Forest of Giants in Sequoia National Park.  A lot to be said for a tree with a trunk 40 feet in diameter, 300 feet tall, and 2,300 years under it's belt.  Standing among trees such as the Sequoias or Redwoods is almost fairytale-ish.  They don't seem real.  You almost feel like a Hobbit standing their in the midst of all those majestic miracles.  Thanks for taking me back there again.

Kevin

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2004-06-19 05:04 AM


what a scene!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2004-06-19 08:31 AM


Erin, remarkable imagery!  I could feel the crunch of the forest's bed under my feet.  And I could smell the salt in the air, as well.  I enjoyed this very much!
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2004-06-19 03:49 PM


What is this form called?  Brilliant interweaving of the lines to paint a substantial picture.  A keeper, this is.
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
5 posted 2004-06-19 03:57 PM


Erin, I just wanted to tell you I took a look at your website.  You are a devoted poet and there is much there for me to study.  Congratulations on your accomplishments!  One of these days, I'd like to devote myself more seriously like you have.  
wornways
Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204
CA, USA
6 posted 2004-06-20 02:57 AM


Kevo:

Thanks for the kind words. This poem, when completed, is hopefully going to describe what is possibly the most unusual redwood grove to be found. Though these are old-growth redwoods, their unique location along a low ridge near a remote Northern California beach that can only be accessed by 7 miles of dirt road has exposed them to the wind that gets channelled up the vale from the beach right into and along this ridge. So, they've been unable to grow so tall, but they get around this by growing in many directions at once, weaving like serpents into the sky. The redwood tree near the top of the grove is the most unusual thing I have ever encountered. A redwood, yes, but growing like a giant lotus flower with a stem 12 to 14 feet and spiraling branches instead of petals. So many branches, each of which reach up like a tree, spread out so far, that from the center of the tree looking up, you can't any other trees in your perephrial vision. This one massive tree forms its own grove. Unusual indeed.

I've been balking at part II because it seems impossible to offer a discription of this tree using language, any language. But, we'll see. Part's III and IV will describe anamistic encounters with the tree's resident entity.

passing shadows:

Aye! Thank you. I posted this mainly to see what the response was like. My decision on how to write part II is laregly dependent on the feedback I get for part I.

Sunshine:

Been a while, ay? Glad you enjoyed this piece. Hope you'll like what I do with the remaining parts.

iliana:

Some would call this a villanelle. As far as The Norton Anthology of Poetic Forms is concerned, this is a villanelle. There are members of the poetry community that won't accept alternating metrics and other end-line prosodic devices such as the assonance, consonance and alliteration used in this piece as an acceptable replacement for the villanelle end-rhymes. But, I'm exploring. End-rhyme for me is now just another tool in a pretty large prosodic toolbox.

I'm glad you took a look at my website. It's nice to know people look at it. A lot of time and energy has gone into putting the site together and maintaining it. If you have any questions as you read, send me an email and I'll try to answer them.

-
I no longer ask who I am, or even what I am. It has dawned on me that there are no answers to such questions, except for our feeble-minded notions.

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