I've Lived With Humans Far Too Long

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icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2004-06-11 12:05 PM

I tried to call you yesterday;
I have no excuse
it was a stupid thing to do,
no way I could have justified it to myself,
even less to you.
I know something flipped a switch in my brain
and I started counting years;
you know the ones
the ones I thought were real,
then the years of betrayal and of anger
then the hollow ones with tears.

I have spent so much of this life alone,
sailing on my vacant sea
an empty man
sailing free and mostly comfortably
from before you were ever born,
and certainly since you're gone,
almost any moment
of almost any day
I really am at peace being all alone;
it's true though,
I know when I was with you
I had forgotten to be skeptical,
how to keep my heart against a wall;
now after all the scars have aged flat to white
and the rooms of life again
are always kept in scanning sight,
alone again is wearing comfortably.

Still,
I'd reached for the phone
and had you dialed in
before I knew what I was doing,
but that isn't what puzzled me the most,
what really has me turned around
was listening
to the sound of synthetic ringing in my ear
as my heart filled with the fear that you might answer,
and that I would now have to live with
the realization of what I'd done.

You had always been the one to call,
of course
only when you needed some assistance,
or a crisis line,
like the last time late at night
when your life was wearing hard,
and you said the city was driving you insane
and yet you couldn't leave;
you asked if I could understand
to you
the city was like a woman that you loved
no matter what her flaws,
that you couldn't leave
because no matter how she treated you
you had always seen it all,
her ugly side,
her beauty,
her weaknesses and strengths
and even when appalled you couldn't walk away,
because you'd let her in your soul;
that one time
I broke with the habit of my normal role
in your completely self centered world,
and had to interrupt your rant
to ask if you had forgotten who you'd called.

©2004 by icebox

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

1 posted 2004-06-11 12:33 PM

Sheep get like shepherds, and shepherds like sheep....and you can be shorn before you realize you've gone too far....

...said one naked shepherd to another.....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2004-06-11 12:40 PM

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2004-06-11 05:30 PM

IceBox~
I am so much richer after reading you~

'Still,
I'd reached for the phone
and had you dialed in
before I knew what I was doing,
but that isn't what puzzled me the most,
what really has me turned around
was listening
to the sound of synthetic ringing in my ear
as my heart filled with the fear that you might answer,
and that I would now have to live with
the realization of what I'd done.'

I know, oh how I know these words~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

4 posted 2004-06-11 06:16 PM

"Still,
I'd reached for the phone
and had you dialed in
before I knew what I was doing,
but that isn't what puzzled me the most,
what really has me turned around
was listening
to the sound of synthetic ringing in my ear
as my heart filled with the fear that you might answer,
and that I would now have to live with
the realization of what I'd done."

Why is it that most humans always hurt the ones they love, anyway. (Maybe, they don't realize it?) Thank you for letting us listen.

......jo

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

5 posted 2004-06-11 10:04 PM

silly humans

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

6 posted 2004-06-11 11:33 PM

This is amazing..

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

7 posted 2004-06-21 03:11 PM

did they answer?

I have someone in my life like that...I just let them call and talk...it doesn't help heal the wound, ever...but I keep hoping.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

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