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DaNi:H
Junior Member

since 2003-12-27

Posts 21
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2004-05-27 12:42 PM

wow.. havent been here in awhile.. this is so not up to my usual standards but here you go.. just thought of it..

yesterday i tried
nobody noticed me
finally you did

DaNi
age:16

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

1 posted 2004-05-27 12:44 PM

oh how sweet! It brought a smile to my face, lovely words.
~Live and Laugh~

The memories are worth the pain when the happiness is outweighs the sorrow
~Bella~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-05-27 03:43 AM

I believe you missed a syllable in the second line if you are going by the 5-7-5 scheme

and this is more of a senryu instead of a haiku because haiku usually has a subject of nature

but it is a good theme

DaNi:H
Junior Member

since 2003-12-27

Posts 21
South Carolina, USA

3 posted 2004-05-27 03:47 PM

shoot i did miss one.. darn..

DaNi
age:16

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

4 posted 2004-05-27 06:12 PM

HiDani~

This has the makings of a really good Senryu~

Easy to fix, if I may offer up a small suggestion -

'yesterday i tried
yet nobody noticed me
finally you did'

Works for me ... how's about you ?
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2004-05-27 06:26 PM

DaNi:H
Marge had your answer, enjoyed.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2004-05-27 06:42 PM

Yes, so good to see you here again!!
And, this is just about perfect!
Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain~

rosepetals25

Member Elite

since 2000-05-31

Posts 3076
PA

7 posted 2004-05-27 07:33 PM

I just loveee shorter forms of poetry. You can say SO much with so little!
I liked

Tara

DaNi:H
Junior Member

since 2003-12-27

Posts 21
South Carolina, USA

8 posted 2004-05-27 07:51 PM

yesterday i tried
yet nobody answered me
finally you did

yeah that does work.. thanks

DaNi
age:16

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

9 posted 2004-05-28 12:11 PM

Nice...James

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2004-05-28 10:59 AM

Sure does...
an awesome nod of appreciation
to those who notice!

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

11 posted 2004-05-29 01:52 AM

Moving this back up so others notice, too. I did!

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

12 posted 2004-05-29 04:34 AM

i noticed too. liked this, so much said, with so few words great write

GlisteningRain
Member

since 2004-05-06

Posts 103
The clouds

13 posted 2004-05-29 04:37 AM

You've captured a moment of people's time

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