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Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

0 posted 2004-05-25 01:50 AM

Cleaning Your Room

Cleaning your room I move
   a ball you left behind,
find I’ve stumbled over
   to the corner of your bed
to sit and stare at the little print
   it left there in the carpet.

This room echoes you
   in hither-skither signals,
a three-tack leaning poster
   of a surfline I can’t name,
one half-empty shelf that says
   you took the rest along;
in the closet, toys you saved
   then abandoned to me and time.

There’s a little mark here;
   I can see your hand touch
the wall just here, just once.
   It would have been
two years ago, at least.
   Meanwhile the ball
imposed its own solution,
   by lying there in the gravity
until it made a print.

I can’t do this, not yet.
   Still, I’ve moved the ball,
at least I moved the ball.
   Leaving, I turn and drop it,
kick and slam the door.
   For weeks I hear it in there
still careening wall to wall.

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2004-05-25 02:14 AM

Oh...I don't know if this is supposed to be sad.. but I found it to be..

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-05-25 02:50 AM

yes, I think it's sad too...

one step at a time

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2004-05-25 09:54 AM

This is bittersweet perfection, my friend... Such seemingly insignificant things can be such powerful reminders of love and pride... and yet they're only hollow echoes, unable to fill the emptiness.

Anyone who's ever experienced the ache of letting go has to be touched by this... and in complete agreement that there's no rush on the cleaning. *S*

Excellent write!!!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 2004-05-25 10:00 AM

Ratleader
A good strong write, enjoyed.

Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

5 posted 2004-05-25 10:16 AM

Very powerful and very heart touching. Well expressed. Thank you for sharing!

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

6 posted 2004-05-25 10:17 AM

To lose a child in any fashion, that is essence of tragedy. This brings it out without any maudlin excess. Well done.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2004-05-25 06:47 PM

Ed~

This touches SOLID GOLD memories~
You are beautiful~

*Huglets*
~*AnotherRoomCleaner*~
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

8 posted 2004-05-25 11:29 PM

Oh Ed, warm hugs

m'friend.

This really touches.

Maree

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

9 posted 2004-05-25 11:36 PM

Touches a raw nerve that I'd rather keep below the surface. Realistic view you paint.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

10 posted 2004-05-25 11:38 PM

Well, dude...I find this awesome!

One of the very best, not just your very best.

Humbled, quite nicely.

Ed

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

11 posted 2004-05-28 09:51 PM

Ed

I have been there...in a different room with different things...but the feeling it was the same. You write with a beautiful heart.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

12 posted 2004-05-28 10:13 PM

thanks for sharing this ed, may you find comfort

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

13 posted 2004-05-28 10:16 PM

This is excellent poetry...and a terrible pain.

I salute you my friend...and I wish you peace.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

14 posted 2004-05-29 02:19 AM

The anguish comes through loud and strong. Masterfully penned. And, very sad.

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

15 posted 2004-05-29 03:31 AM

sad, but written quite well, felt the emotions

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

16 posted 2004-05-29 04:11 AM

I like the strength of this write...Very good!

Eric

Ain't doin nothin at all
Just answerin the call
Kinda driftin away from it all~~~~~

GlisteningRain
Member

since 2004-05-06

Posts 103
The clouds

17 posted 2004-05-29 05:03 AM

Cleaning the room of someone gone. Your child maybe? Must be sad..I could imagine. Nice capture. ^_^

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