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icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2004-05-23 12:41 PM

Makeshift scales,
broken frails,
living on a lie,
faded tracks,
heavy packs,
knowing we all die;

knotted ropes,
raising hopes
with money made of lead,
buying thrills
with stolen bills,
falling down instead;

colored lights,
snowball bites,
renting Santa Claus,
nights in jail,
scraping bail,
crying for the lost;

suspicion's gifts,
needed lifts,
running ‘til I dropped,
rolling fags
for nickel bags,
wishing I had stopped;

cracked windows,
filthy snows,
getting off too soon,
hidden traps
in bottle caps,
dying on the moon;

lying tongues,
social rungs,
climbing to the past,
things I skipped
the times I tripped,
knowing made it last;

betraying friends
for selfish ends,
renting discount love,
false happiness
from words that bless,
lightning from above.

©2004 by icebox

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2004-05-23 03:45 AM

Somewhere in this I stopped, and went back up, read again...then stopped, read again. I think I read it like, 4 times, before I realized that I was going in a cycle.

But it was good, and better

I enjoyed the ride.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

2 posted 2004-05-23 03:56 AM

Icebox -- The second time I read this through I realized the pattern was very intentional and the poem became very clear. "Knowng made it last" "lightning from above" -- great lines and confirmations of truth as I see it -- .....jo

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-05-23 05:00 AM

awesome format here!!!

you da bomb!

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

4 posted 2004-05-23 09:46 AM

Ahhhhhha,,,,veeeeery interesting,,,,,does take a couple, or three, times thru to get it,,,but I like!

Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2004-05-23 09:48 AM

icebox
Well that about covers it. Good write exellent read.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2004-05-23 09:51 AM

Awesome write sir...very much enjoyed.
Hugs~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2004-05-23 09:52 AM

What an awesome write this is, Iceman. I love the
reality of the whole thing. Just think of how many think
these experiences are "the good old days".
And, I love the way the poem just seemed to skip along
as I read it. Very talented writing, Sir.
Hugs,
Ethel

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

8 posted 2004-05-23 10:12 AM

Ain't we glad they are so much older than they were good....and we were good enough to make 'em old.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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