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Open Poetry #32
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Fallen
| Open Poetry #32 |
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Fallen |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain 
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  Fallen empty are the arms that ache for shadows criss crossing my day insatiable are these lips swelled by your wants embraced by moon’s guidance i’ve fallen against you become part of you breathing ...till no breath is enough and we f a l l ©sdt may21,2004 "yet each man kills the thing he loves |
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| © Copyright 2004 Snow - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
I love the feel of this, of falling -- very sensual. Susan The whole of the Universe resides within each individual heart. |
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MexicoCityBlues Junior Member
since 2004-01-04
Posts 48The Point of Know Return |
I find myself reading a lot of your posts... I really enjoy all of it and this just adds to your collection. Thanks for sharing. "The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye. The story of love is Hello and Goodbye. Until we meet again..." -Jimi Hendrix |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Well.. just well. In my mind it made it so. |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
thank you all very much for reading and commenting. kaoru, not really sure what you mean. but that's ok. thanks for taking the time to read and comment. "yet each man kills the thing he loves |
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Edder Senior Member
since 2003-04-02
Posts 671 |
breathless, indeed...  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
awesome! |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
i hope you both know just how much it means to me that you share your thoughts. thank you! "yet each man kills the thing he loves |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
I liked it very much. One thing....and I am the most kindest critic in the world..... I heard once that one word lines are a no no in poetry. I used to do it too....I felt it added drama or suspense letting the reader hang on one word in a line until they got to the next. Maybe the critic who told me that was full of balony....but I listened to him and never did it again......though I REALLY want to sometimes!!! Robert PS: You know what!!!??? I just opened my book of collected poems by Dylan Thomas and he has several poems with one word lines.... NEVERMIND.... |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
Robert.... follow your own voice when it comes to your work... my favorite authors are Neruda, e.e.cummings... and yes... Dylan, thanks to a very good friend. you can't help but see that they followed no others. does that mean that i think i'm right? well, for my work, yes. that's exactly what i mean. my thoughts are, if you want to use a one word line, and you think it works (and by that i mean... say it outloud, does that pause of saying one word, work?) if it does... then by all means.. do it!! :-) my work is for the most part, meant to be read aloud, since i do a lot of public readings.. all of my line breaks are done with that in mind. i hope what i said shows you that i do appreciate what you've said. thank YOU!!! it says to me, you read it. really read it. Snow "yet each man kills the thing he loves |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
You are most VERY welcome Snow. Our replies to one another may be the most sincere and enlightening posted here for some time!! Robert |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
you need to answer my email, please :-) |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
deleted your email.... have something weird to tell you!!! |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
ok.. sending you something now |
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