»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #32
»
Things untold
| Open Poetry #32 |
|
Things untold |
|
|
misao Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 50 |
with every trial of breath a gentle tear can be seen faraway with every weap of sorrow A gale of singing wind passes by my ear a dream clouds my mind as if asleep a silent whisper--audible--soft as though unheard a sweet sensation so close to the heart Life is described with unspoken words as the days go by--hearts change every drop of blood caressing my hand in a circular motion falls upon the ground like a raindrop in a puddle Gentle twilight calms me like crimson roses and flowing water gales of wind blow through my hair and sing to me traveling--on the run like a stay cat through the valley of darkness |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Ms Kitsune - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Things now told...James |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Hello my lovely... you knew I'd be here. I love this poem from you gentleheart, but as you know, I don't care for the red type--and yes, it's fun to experiment, but let your words vivify the red. and now, for critique. I loved the soft intro, with the gentle lead in to this verse--third stanza: "Life is described with unspoken words as the days go by--hearts change every drop of blood caressing my hand in a circular motion falls upon the ground like a raindrop in a puddle" smiling proud mom here. And this fourth stanza, which you sneaked on me, totally delighted me with your unabashed aplomb: "Gentle twilight calms me like crimson roses and flowing water gales of wind blow through my hair and sing to me traveling--on the run like a stay cat through the valley of darkness" traveling--on the run like a stay cat Excellent images to depict the loneliness of determination to be true to self. My lovely lovely girl, I'm so proud of you. This is my favorite from you.  You are a poet.  |
||
|
iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
That last stanza, I really liked! You are not alone here. |
||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Well this apple sure as heck doesn't fall far from the tree. Loved the cat line myself  Beautiful imagery Misao. |
||
|
Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
