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Open Poetry #32
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A Different Kind Of Challenge
| Open Poetry #32 |
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A Different Kind Of Challenge |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
If you are here, please finish this sonnet to which I have penned the last lines. Time constraints have prevented me from doing so, and, I'd really like to see what others may come up with. Nuff said, here's the end. ( Thank you in advance) "Inadequately finding words to say in view of things which take ones' breath away. Doc |
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| © Copyright 2004 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Oh, you are a devil; kind, I am sure, but a devil, just the same. I'm terrible with meter, and this! you know as fact!! So, correct me where I need to stand corrected, for I took on this most wonderfully terrible challenge!!!! ‘Tis a mystery, this garden’s great zeal Most glorious bound, I would say to thee The colors so brilliant, so very real But the public cannot, nor shall not, see. ‘Tis said these gardens have wondrous allure Though tall the trees that would let this glee hide! For I sense fragrance of roses, I’m sure, For their beauty no one conceals inside. The roses are sure, and hibiscus gleam! As wisteria’s vine grows sure in height! The colors abound, ‘tis most like a dream! And in this dream world, I find it a fright… Inadequately finding words to say in view of things which take ones' breath away. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Sunshine, Thanks. The "Devil" you say?. I see no problem with form, but as you said , meter, (stressed and un-stressed syllables) was where I had trouble following. In Iambic Pentameter the last line would read... in VIEW of THINGS which TAKE one's BREATH aWAY. If you apply this pattern to your lines, I think you'll agree that some of the accented syllables fall into the wrong place, disrupting the meter. Then again, what the heck do I know? ( I'm just a student!)Thanks , Sunshine. Doc |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
I'm not up to the challenge but sure enjoyed reading Sunshine's sonnet and your ending! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
 Doc, I HEAR your meter...and when I wrote this last night, I 'heard' my meter, too...but this morning, reading it again? LOL...I hear a mess. I'll work on it! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Sunshine, Sorry, I didn't mean to shout, that was just my way of stressing the syllables. By the way, I forgot to tell you I really liked your theme, I thought it fit nicely. Doc iliana, Thanks for replying, I'm glad you enjoyed. We often accomplish more than we set out to do. Doc |
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