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Spiritual Stroll
| Open Poetry #31 |
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Spiritual Stroll |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296
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There Stands a Gentile Walk Ocean scents float through open windows Waves whispering sultry duets summer’s kiss after kiss I hear the moon recline… Bringing in high soothing tides Floating on the backs of sea gulls Your voice reaches with lavender Purest essence settles me In poetic wine…red and sweet You are my blood, my flesh my mind A light evening breeze begs for you nuisance Warming me…capturing my unbroken attention Under the blanket of the moon…where night exposes New dimensions….we gaze in gentle slumber Across the cup of daylight, charming us to the 11th floor With our hands around time…pockets full of rose petals sprinkling We walk cloaked with the honeyed lips of morning Beneath faint echoes of the open sea Where paradise free hands our minds Enamored by warm memoirs Radiant moist breath of liquid gold You are a genius ray of paintings From whence love is linking Reflections of light in ocean waves Curing for us a golden display Excited sighs of a child Enigma of fragrance, this river emits surprise Sound pours discovery and understanding…feeling the green of Ireland Cupping free spirit…not to tightly, letting it flow But in a union only true admiration knows Melodic fellowship…of a twelve string guitar Classical sounds and spiritual moments All family has entered writing money on my mind An immaculate ear gives birth to strength |
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| © Copyright 2004 Lee J. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mystic One Member
since 2003-09-14
Posts 134 |
Very much enjoyed this wonderful write,,,, |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Lee, your critique button is open, and I would not want to bruise your sensitive heart.  I have no problem with your words or meaning, but could you give "space breaks" between thoughts? I think your poetry would be read more, if it were not jammed together. I am going to assume for the sake of the process that you may go with "stream of thought" writing...which is a good thing...  ...but unless there's a break between those thoughts, to give the reader a pause to ponder...it becomes difficult to know what it is you really want to tell or share with us. Does this make sense? |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
LeeJ I sort of agree with Sunshine. It is a wonderous write. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(big angel hugs) Yay! Awwwwwwww, I love this, sweet friend, I love your poetry without or with line breaks, God Bless You, may you always walk and feel Mr. Bluebird sing on your shoulder, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lee, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "You'll find something that's enough to keep you |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
WOW. |
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Jack- In- The- Green Junior Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 31The green woodlands. |
I think that this poems speaks of a brilliance rarely seen, and it should NOT be changed in any way, for me it reads fine, maybe the other poets are trying to write it how they would have written it, but it is not their poem it is yours. When read as it is it displays urgency, please remember that you are just the poet,you just write the poem, it is up to other people to make out of it what they will. Once you have finished it, it no longer totaly belongs to you but to what others see, feel etc, what i get out of your poetry may be different to what others do, that is why we are individual. The poem was lyrical and coloured with words of many hues, enjoyed it.Thanks. Jack. Have you seen jack-in -the green he taps his cain on the ground and signals the snowdrops it's time to grow. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Mystic One...many thanks for your comment Sunshine, I have read your work...it's brilliant and do not take your comment as an insult, don't worry, but as a suggestion...you have given me something to ponder. Thank you Sy...always good to see you in there...and many thanks to you for your comment, as well. Noah...you are a dear dear person...thank you for the well wishes Kaoru...thanks so much, I so love your poems Jack...I find your comment amusing and kind and chivelrous, but, also, what you said is very true. Most people who read my poems think I'm expressing my love for a man...and sometimes I am, but most of my poems depict a spiritul relationship that is oh so great and powerful...and is a Man of many names. As far as poets critics...that to I find ammusing and very rewarding at the same time. And your so correct...the poem "is me", who and what I believe in. My very significant essence and signature. So, it really doesn't matter if others read or what they think and believe, what matters is, that I listen...and maybe learn from them on how to articulate myself in a maybe better way, so that my words reaches others in a more complimenting and significant way. The day that I grow to old to learn, is the day I might as well roll over and give my flesh up to the grave. Many many thanks to all of you, don't worry about hurting my feelings, as I'm pretty mature and think skinned...and Jack...I do so appreciate your very generous comment. Smiles and hugs. |
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