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Open Poetry #31
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Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion

0 posted 2004-03-20 07:13 PM



A memory: side-by-side at the art table,
sleeves rolled back on blouse and shirt,
constructing popsicle stick houses
beneath the stilted brow of Mrs. Jenkins.

Yours was tall and tilted.
We marveled it did not fall,
as clearly, it was lacking glue.
You said crash, crash,

it finally did, during nap time,
a cacophony of clacks.
You howled -- she hushhhed,
but I saw her smile
before the scowl returned.

Mine was a fortress without style
buttressed by copious globs of goo,
fossilized dust motes and amber hairs.

Impregnable where it stood;
it stood on through parents’ night,
then long after it should, on a mantel,
a gift for Mom.

Now, we stand on opposite mesas --
along north and south facing strands;
each combing the constructs of the other.

You, again, with only debris left of your home:
walls erected to self-destruct, often do.
We never did agree on rungs of risk.

Me, with blueprints and bills of materials,
all set to begin. Work to fill days, to drop me
into sleep at night.

The wind erases all, even footprints to my door.
It embraces the trees, turns them into shutters.
I am surrounded by full-to-the-brim moats.

Honestly, I thought you could swim.

[This message has been edited by Corinne (03-20-2004 07:56 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Corinne - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-03-20 07:37 PM


You are an amazing, thoughtful poet and methinks your forte' is people.

I loved this. The symbolism is delightful, and your talent for letting the reader conclude the thoughts proposed makes you the better writer.


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 2004-03-20 07:51 PM


Corinne

Really well done, the differences so plain, and a cutting edge to the end.  So real.  Enjoyed your work, as always!

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
3 posted 2004-03-20 07:59 PM


Serenity blaze -- oh you, you made my day with those wonderful, encouraging words. Thank you!

Thank you, sweet Martie. About a friend that I've bailed out more times than I can say.
I really wouldn't let him drown, just thought it would be a fun/evil little twist from my twisted little mind! hahaha!


Corinne

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2004-03-20 10:35 PM



Dang, girl...you've been doing your research.  Who cares if we see the same word in one day?  I think we both used the one word judiciously...don't you?

Now, keep on with those thoughts.  I'm waiting in line, y'know.  And I don't like waiting too long...just long enough for my first signed copy!

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
5 posted 2004-03-20 11:10 PM


Corinne -- Brilliant writing -- my type of poem, for sure!    ..........jo
muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
6 posted 2004-03-21 12:09 PM


Wow, sent chills through me, this is great!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2004-03-21 04:53 AM


back up to the top--this is the best I've read...well, since you posted last.


Spiros Zafiris
Senior Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 982
Canada
8 posted 2004-03-21 05:08 AM


..Corinne./\..i thouroughly enjoyed your
poem; thanks..

../\..Spiros


--------------calm---------

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2004-03-21 05:15 AM


loved this read
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

10 posted 2004-03-22 03:01 PM


I just know I'm going to love your work when I see your name up on these boards.
This is absolutely marvellous Corinne.. all your work is

I'm keeping it.

Maree

Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

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