Summer's Morn 98 - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #31

Summer's Morn 98

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

0 posted 2004-03-15 09:04 AM

When I saw the sun kiss you on a summer's morn
And moonlight kissed your hair on the day you were born
When I saw the look in your eyes
A kind of crimsom mess
The swirl of the world beneath your feet
Flowing your dress to match your hair
And the love of your eyes
Was sad and deep and warm
I saw the tilt of your nose
Light the smile of your lips
The love of yourself
A sense of belonging in your time and space
A deep laughter in your throat
Echoing the world's embrace

I see you in the world
I cannot see the world without
You in it's heart
And a smile like a roustabout
But sometimes I see an upturned nose
And a furrowed brow
And I wait for the sky to clear
And move the thunder loud
To sink to an early red dawn
Of another summer's morn

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-03-15 12:13 PM

I liked this poem except for your description of the subject's eyes:

"When I saw the look in your eyes
A kind of crimsom mess
The swirl of the world beneath your feet
Flowing your dress to match your hair
And the love of your eyes
Was sad and deep and warm"

It reads as a contradiction-- crimson mess / deep and warm.

Just a suggestion. LOL!