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starshine24
New Member

since 2002-10-31

Posts 6

0 posted 2004-03-04 06:49 PM

I hate waiting.
I hate knowing that you,
when you say you’ll call,
are often just repeating a phase,
and that that phrase means absolutely nothing,
much like “What’s up!”

I hate knowing that that you may not call,
or that you may have lost my number,
or that you simply didn’t care.
Argh.

And I wonder what you think,
how you decide whether or not
to make that fateful call,
and whether it’s a clear cut decision you know
in your heart as you walk out of a club,
or whether you agonize over it,
and eventually convince yourself that I don't care.

I wonder how you convince yourself not to call,
or how you can not call
when there is so much potential,
and it’s just a risk that needs taking.

Do you even think
about how much girls agonize,
how with every guy that we want to hear from who doesn’t call,
we question ourselves,
and we question men?

How I’m becoming more cynical
thanks to men not seeming to care
and call
after a great conversation?

And why,
why would you decide not to call,
after getting a number?
Does you feel as though
you must simply get a number
as a way to end conversation?
Or is it something you boast about,
how many numbers you got in a week.

If you don’t care – don’t get my number!

Then I wouldn’t agonize and wait,
and honestly waiting kills.
Or if you aren’t sure,
tell me your number,
and I could call you if I truly cared.

But please, enough of the bullshit.
Because it is precisely this
that makes me hardened,
that makes me cynical about the next man I meet,
that makes me all the more flippant
in my attempt to make myself stony-hearted,
to stop myself getting burnt by caring and waiting.

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-03-04 07:03 PM

Good poem here, full of emotion! You may want to consider removing the word "that" here and there. It is quite overused in the poem, except at the end where it is useful for emphasis. Just a suggestion. Grover. Also a warm welcome to PIP!

mytuesdaywishes
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox

2 posted 2004-03-04 08:51 PM

i agree with grover, but overall good! welcome friend

joy has its own justice. and dreams are languid and lawless. and everything bows to beauty, when it's fierce and when it's flawless...

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

3 posted 2004-03-04 09:50 PM

Yes your poem is very god. I agree with moving the that, because having a cliche in a poem can ruin it. I had to learn that the long and hard way, because I was so stuborn. Welcome to PIP! (I will be keeping an eye out for you. I like to reply alot, when I have time. (:

Lots of love,
-Juju

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