Sometimes Freedom Waits for Death (eor's challenge)

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Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

0 posted 2004-02-19 11:10 AM

I sat as close to the car door as possible.
Tears running down my 5 year old face.
Anticipating my punishment,
wanting to plead my case.

When Daddy did speak
it was with words
I would never forget.

“What you were caught doing,
little girls should not be doing,
with her cousins, you see,
if that is what you want to do
you need to come to me.”

I didn’t understand
what he meant
until later
when he came to my room
and showed me.

For years
Daddy paid me visits.
Mostly early morning
when Mommy was still asleep.

Sometimes I would cry
and beg for him to stop.
He would tell me
with tears in his eyes,
how much he loved me,
how beautiful I was going to be
and how he couldn’t help himself

Hurting me wasn’t much of a concern

When I was 13
Daddy paid his last visit
and maybe somehow he knew.
Because he tried more,
than ever before had he tried to do.
But Mommy walked in.

Mostly what I remember from that day
was the hitting
and the yelling.
Daddy doing nothing to stop her,
listening as she took it out on me.

Spitting out words of hate.
Telling me it was my fault,
and I would be made to pay.
For trying to steal her man,
for ruining her life plan.

Mom and Dad stayed together,
and I stayed until I didn’t have to.
They were more than happy to sign the papers
that set me free a year early.
Got me a suitcase for graduation.
Waved as I got on the bus.

Since that last day,
I pretend
and so do they.

22 years,
bad choices,
and beautiful children,
never allowed
alone,
with grandpa

and still
I am not
Free.

__________________________

Ron~Thanks for the help tweaking
Icy~ Thanks for the inspire.

[This message has been edited by Susan Caldwell (02-19-2004 12:59 PM).]

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

1 posted 2004-02-19 11:27 AM

WOW Susan, outstanding write on such a tragedy. This one touches closely to my heart for many reasons.

lady.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2004-02-19 11:38 AM

Susan....It took alot of courage to write this down...understanding hugs!

Ericc
Member Elite

since 2003-01-31

Posts 4178

3 posted 2004-02-19 02:07 PM

A courageous and powerful write.

Eric

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

4 posted 2004-02-19 02:28 PM

This is stunning!

Brava!

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

5 posted 2004-02-19 03:27 PM

Beautiful in your straightforward style that does not compromise feelings one bit...I am inspired by your courage woven into careful flawless writing.....Thank you ~P

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

6 posted 2004-02-19 05:45 PM

you did good...

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2004-02-19 05:54 PM

Susan, this is an excellent write. Even
though it's a very hurtful subject, you
wrote it with much style and grace. You
met the challenge very well.
Hugs, my friend

Ethel

Ravenwolfvoyager
Member

since 2003-12-25

Posts 326

8 posted 2004-02-19 06:55 PM

Susan that was heartfelt. I know that carrying such a thing with you is a difficult thing to do. You are surrounded by friends who understand and support you.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

9 posted 2004-02-19 07:42 PM

Thank you, to all of you that posted a reply and to those of you that emailed...

Your concern and well wishes are what make this such a warm, wonderful place.

And smile! My daughter has black and pink hair this week!!!

"sit on top of the world and tell me how you feel...'cause what you feel is what I feel for you.."
~Dido~

Ivy Rose
Senior Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 1300
MA, USA

10 posted 2004-02-19 08:37 PM

Susan....A sad and chilling tale of abuse. So frightening because it is happening more and more frequently. A brave and noble write because you chose to share the painful memories of abuse so that another child may not suffer as you have done. Bravo, Susan!!! this is a tremendously important poem that you have written with a great deal of skill. ***Ivy Rose

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

11 posted 2004-02-19 08:44 PM

Susan, I stand and applaud you.
A most powerful write on a difficult topic.
Extremely well done.
Heart Hugs

  ~ Whatever our souls are made of,
      his and mine are the same. ~

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

12 posted 2004-02-19 08:49 PM

(big angel hugs) Oh Susan, my heart sends many angel hugs your way, sweet friend, no child should ever be left alone like this and know that we are all here for you to support you, God Bless You, this is such a harsh reality, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Susan, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

stevebrklynnyc
Member

since 2004-01-04

Posts 292
GA, Camden

13 posted 2005-07-16 11:17 AM

I never read this post, but, you are stronger for it, steve.

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