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Teen Poetry #7

inverted love

swinging2bbvd
Junior Member

since 2003-10-02

Posts 14

0 posted 2003-10-14 03:35 PM

this is a poem i wrote a long time ago but haven't looked at for some time now. id like to hear what you guys think, ive never been given a serious critique before.
Inverted Love
To my lost love... ~Chandra

Crusted flakes of forgotten fate flaking,
No longer stand our dreams we were making.
Love is for naught, there be no good token,
Only stained thought, from a heart left broken.
In isolated cold, heart and mind severe,
Depression takes hold; my soul lost forever.
Past pleasure in reverse, memories rotten,
Constantly cursed, cause none be forgotten.
Of times I soothed you, and dried your sad tears,
Of times I moved you, 'bout our future years.
Of times, I penetrated, your firm heart,
And lovingly stated, my odes of art
Of you I caught: though now I realize
Love is for naught; it's merely mythic lies.

Ronald J Walsh

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

1 posted 2003-10-14 06:50 PM

Betrayed by memories, fighting for a lost heart all along, sooo much time and effort and in the end Love is for naught. This girl is lucky to have someone to give so much and even in the end recieve little. Still you will write, but even in pain you will find happiness in hoping for Love. Now in the end is it because of determination or just simply blind faith?? Nice piece.

NJS

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-10-15 12:01 PM

good onnnnneeeeeeee.

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

3 posted 2003-10-15 10:40 AM

Wow. This was very beautiful. You used some wonderful vocab. Nice work! It's definitely going in my library!!!

*I figured out that trust was just my one mistake...*

swinging2bbvd
Junior Member

since 2003-10-02

Posts 14

4 posted 2003-10-15 11:34 AM

thanx, i do have another piece i think its alright. since the first went pretty well i'd like to share it.

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