Teen Poetry #7 |
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I dont want you |
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layla Member
since 2000-11-19
Posts 74 |
Hes been attached to me seems for a while and when we cross paths he waits for my smile he tells me he wants to shower me with gold to be my breeze in the summer and my warmth in the cold But, I dont want him He writes poetry compares me to the sunrise What a poet he says he lives for the glow in my eyes But still, I dont want him One night he entered my room in his dreams caressed my hair till I fell asleep He said he didnt want to wake out of fear from his eyes his dream would fly and things would be clear that I dont want him When he finally lost all hope he searched for another When I found this out he no longer was like my brother I ran after him barefoot mascara running down my cheeks And when I reached him I fell to my knees And said, "I want you! Take me! let us watch the sun rise let me live everyday just for the glow in your eyes I want you!! From all his frustrations he began to tear with his hands he said go!! I dont want you here He cried, "Oh God How!!?? How can this be true When you finally want me and I do not want you *this poem was inspired by an arabic song |
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© Copyright 2003 layla - All Rights Reserved | |||
swinging2bbvd Junior Member
since 2003-10-02
Posts 14 |
its a beautiful, simple, painful poem. im a man hit with the same set of circomstances. |
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Silent Evincar Member
since 2003-07-22
Posts 179Here There and Places Between |
Do you know how aggravating this concept is?? How is anyone supposed to take this in a postive note(the idea not the poem.) I Love how it was done, chronologicaly following each event or action with a the same reaction. The end is classic in a sad sense and it is very moving, nice piece. NJS |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
you....you have captured my lifes biggest woe in this single poem. you see, people jugde poems on how they relate to their own lives. and if i am to judge peoms relating to my life, then this is the greatest poem i've ever read. great write. |
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magic_612 Member
since 2003-07-31
Posts 190NB, Canada |
this was absolutely amazing, I have gone through the same thing you have described, so that really made me get caught up in the story. I also liked the order in which you used. Great job! |
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Quiet Acquiescence Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 70somewhere out here |
Whoa...whoa! Oh my goodness whoa! That was amazing! I love it. ![]() |
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Quiet Acquiescence Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 70somewhere out here |
Wow, reading it the second time still has the same affect as reading it the first. It's still great! ~*~Hope restores broken wings; faith helps us fly.~*~ |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
Like everyone else I think this was absolutely amazing, simple but still has a very strong message. Nice Work ~*~Karen~*~ |
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rhyme time Junior Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 13 |
this is a sweet poem, i was waiting to read one like this thank you layla |
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layla Member
since 2000-11-19
Posts 74 |
you all have inspired me with your replies...thank you kindly, I apreciate them. |
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