Teen Poetry #7 |
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My Eyes Will Not Blink |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN ![]() |
My Eyes Will Not Blink Why ignore the thoughts you can't deny? These ones of failure in your heart. Why delay the tears in your mind? Hold the tears of pressure that you've shed. And I'll give you this rose to comfort you, Hoping that you can finally sleep in the dark. I'll watch the red rose cry blo*d for you Dripping down the stem to stain the night. But the darkness hides even shadows, Closing in on tired memories. Holding onto the light in tomorrow, But rose bleeds ever more. Watch the love that's drooping lower Drying out as time goes on. Pray for peace to be the sower, The one who holds it in your eyes. Please don't scream out my name Because i won't take a drink. Please don't whisper my sad name For i cry hearing your sadness. |
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© Copyright 2004 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
"the darkness hides even shadows" Its crazy how when someone close to you is sad, it makes you so heartbroken. I've been on the other end. And seen the effect my pain has had on ppl. It is an aweful thing. Especially the look in my parents eyes... Anyway.. I liked this piece. But the end was my favorite. Seemed the most powerful to me. The first stanza was good, BUT it seemed a little cliche, and uneccesary to the rest of the piece. Maybe if you re-word it... ~Lex ![]() |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
This was really good. I don't even know what to say. It was very powerful and much enjoyed. Thanks for the read. Jen Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
ya i'm gonna go back and redo the first stanza. i'm not pleased with it. needs more imagery or something...thanks for all the comments ladies |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
"I'll watch the red rose cry blood for you Dripping down the stem to stain the night." I liked these two lines, they just really stood out to me. The ending was sweet. ~Vampire Kisses ![]() I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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Ixxi Member
since 2004-01-02
Posts 77England |
The whole thing was very cleverly written. I liked it, it's quite good. *thumbs up* |
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Censored Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 86 |
"I'll watch the red rose cry blood for you Dripping down the stem to stain the night." love that line. |
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*Alli4000*![]()
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Yea...Wow....I am also speechless. GREAT JOB!!!!!! I loved this poem...it was amazing. ~Alli~ |
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blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
this is very nicely written |
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