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ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

0 posted 2004-01-31 02:05 AM

Clear water, turned sour.
Your lips placed upon this placid bottle
Creating a whirlpool of revenge
When will it spill, and stop spinning?
Irregular consistancy, drowning in acetic water.

And as your callous tongue is released from this tortured bottle
I succumb to my senses...
Your venegance is quickly uncovered.
Poisoning my drink with your illustrious venom
So I remember you after it's kicked in.

You should be pleased to know, the cajolery you spread is no threat to me...
I'm not going to lay another finger on this tortured bottle.
I would rather dehydrate, than let you flow through my blood again.

Your nature, lies persuasive.
Don't try me, I won't be persuaded by you
This is perpetual water... to host your reprisal.

blood_red_summer
Junior Member

since 2004-01-31

Posts 20

1 posted 2004-01-31 02:20 AM

are you thinking what im thinking B1??
(you) i think i am B2!!

" HOSTILE TAKEOVER "

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

2 posted 2004-01-31 07:36 PM

haha. you make me laugh jamo... nobody wants to post replies about my writings

wankers.

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

3 posted 2004-02-01 01:08 AM

im gonna bump me back up the top

please do comment.... this is the first piece i liked dammit.

muchos
Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 102

4 posted 2004-02-01 01:40 AM

i thought i'd check out a few of yours because you did so with mine.
this is good. i liked it. and when i read yours and compare them to mine...well you can definately tell a difference. on the other hand. i liked how you expressed yourself, and i liked the choice of vocabulary. i can see why you like this one. i am most definately a fan of your writing. and im not too crazy about a lot of writers in here. so ugh. cudos to you, and i'll be reading a lot more of your work. thanks for the critiques with mine. muchly appreciated. keep up the awesome work.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2004-02-01 11:36 AM

I am fond of this.
nicely protrayed. very visual.
excellent writing.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

6 posted 2004-02-01 09:18 PM

I liked this, espcially the 3rd stanza.
Good job, thanks for sharing.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

7 posted 2004-02-03 10:19 PM

Okay Okay, i'll reply already!!!

) lol I liked this a lot. It was kool. Now its your turn to go check one of mine out and u better reply Dammit!!

>

~kissa~

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