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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-01-30 01:25 PM

well, i havent had any feedback on my previous ones for awhile now. maybe this one will get some.

Sunday's Black Sermon

I left this house again
For Black Sunday;
The rain was leaking
Through the linoleum floor.
I made a saddened end
On Black Sunday;
The air was creaking
Through the weekend doors.

Outside nitrogen fills the air
Praising Black Sunday;
It explodes our tiny minds
Into the nothing in our heads.
The clouds have rarely cared
On these Black Sundays;
Raining down acid on our eyes,
Leaving the blind seeing red.

Watching bleeding hearts in the streets
Praying on Black Sunday;
It's too much to feel,
But feelings never last.
The prayers bounce back form the heat,
Is God deaf on this Black Sunday?
The fire's choir never heals,
Let's all burn here in the past.

Thank you preacher for your words
For it's Black Sunday;
Behind the pews lay the ded,
Resting thier pennyless souls.
We all want to R.I.P. in the dirt
On a later Sunday;
Close conscious curtains in our heads
When the sermon grows old.

So here the story's told
Of this Sunday
And what our ideas brought
To those who left pennance.
But waht did your sin behold
On this God Day?
Was it something left to rot
Beside your faithful church attendance?

Forgive the breathing lost,
Here's Done Days;
It's all we sleep to now
Even in this sinful storm.
We'll forever pay the cost
Of our Fun Days;
We'll learn true prayer somehow,
And feel the pain of being reborn.

[This message has been edited by young_blood (01-30-2004 04:22 PM).]

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-01-30 06:23 PM

very good. And I really enjoy your poetry.
excellent line: "Raining down acid on our eyes, leaving the blind seeing red."
You have a uniqueness to your words.
A way to look at things that others would see.
Nice. And I'll try to keep up with your stuff, cause I really like it.
Maybe people in teen are intimidated, or they are unable to see the deeper meaning and that's why they don't respond.
Keep posting
~Lex

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2004-01-30 07:11 PM

young_blood,,,,dear one, I do enjoy your work,,,,and try to say something to each ,,,can't say I hit them all, I do miss a few here and there
this one is pretty neat,,,,churches, most all, are filled witht he dead, looking for something to jumpstart them,,,only to find,,they are made more dead by the rhetoric,,,,,,couple typos here and there,,,,but good stuff none the less
take care
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

SweetStephanie
Junior Member

since 2003-12-29

Posts 18
Alabama,

3 posted 2004-01-31 05:12 AM

love your work that is very well written thanks for the great read

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-01-31 02:20 PM

thank you much guys. i appreciate your feedback alot.

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