Teen Poetry #7 |
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Burning ::NEW:: 22/01/04 |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
Catch my tear and I'll wake Sit alone but I'll be there That's what feeling crowded is Look at my flower sitting in the bath It weeps, and blooms my name I smudge my letter making no mark at all Can you feel it yet Fall from the rafters to the roof Feeling the summer breeze in winter above your feet Leader sitting on the hill Feeling rejection I won't come to you Force of personal choice betrays To know you're out there is to worry But I feel no real pain I am not pain It is what you prefer I am burning Which you cannot choose to accept. |
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© Copyright 2004 ascending_ecstasy - All Rights Reserved | |||
ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
Ok well can you comment on it and tell me what you think. Think about the meaning beyond the writing and you will understand. |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Wow, very nicely written. I like this one. It is surprisingly different from things you usually see on these forums. Excellent job! |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
Excellent first post. This is one of the better poems I've seen. Thanks for posting, and I look forward to reading more from you. Jen Also, I'm putting it in my private library if you don't mind. Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved. |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
First off welcome piptalk! ![]() This is an excellent first post. Beautifully expressed, I espcially love the 3rd stanza. I noticed that you've been replying to other's poems, which means I like you. Thanks for sharing. W.W. |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
Thankyou for all of your comments, i cherish them greatly, please keep them coming, as they are greatley appreciated. |
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Ringo![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you like it here as much as we're going to like reading your thoughts. Check your e-mail for a special greeting. Cause in my dreams it's always there |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
I would like honest opinions though, if there's something that you feel isn't right, let me know. I am open to all suggestions and advice. Thankyou. |
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cool_things New Member
since 2004-01-22
Posts 2 |
You are great. I have been writing for over a year, and have never seen such young talent. What do you suppose you'll post next? Whatever it is, it's worth reading. Your first stanza has such imagery, so clear. Your every choice of wording is excellent, and it came from the heart. There's nothing needing editing, you have no structure, and it came from the heart. It flowed right from the heart, and it's amazing. I was taken aback with this poem, and I hope to see more. It shall go into my library, and I'm wishing I had many more of your poems to do this with. I encourage anyone who reads this to tell ascending_ecstasy what they think of her work. He/she must be convinced it is good. A writer is always down on his/her work, although, he/she did choose post it here, so maybe there is little liking to the piece? Anyway, ANYONE who reads this, MUST leave a comment. Thankyou, your work was wonderful. |
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Essential Distress Junior Member
since 2004-01-22
Posts 33 |
yeah impressive. I sorta know you and read it like 2 months ago so ive told you what i think of it.... post more! i know you have millions sittin in that hard drive o' yours... |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
thanks for those comments. yeah, i enjoy poetry... i'm so inot it now i can't stop. i dont know about a career in writing but.. yeah maybe, i dot it for kicks. and thc 4 the comment taya. as i said... you are a sailor...you are a star...you can sing things...on guitar... ---- Entitled "Taya" lol |
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