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Teen Poetry #7
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THE TRUTH ABOUT LIFE
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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THE TRUTH ABOUT LIFE |
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sweet_lost_palestinian1 Member
since 2004-01-08
Posts 90 |
LIFE is not only "LOVE".. Its about makingu bigger and stronger. Like a roose when it opens and close. IN life there is soo soo soo many things we have to deal with..and espciallly PAIN, PAIN is the worst thing that could reallly kill u. IT wont let u sleep.it wont let u eat.i wont let u smile or atleast giveu a chance toopligize. even though sometimes we try SOO SO HARD but people these dayz cant realize.. all they want is there own happiness... and own health... we dream to die..but is it really worth it to die for some-1 that dont even care?.. |
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| © Copyright 2004 sweet_lost_palestinian1 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lone_rider Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 19 |
heya! I really liked this one..Everything you are saying is so true! Great write! keep it up!! |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
Ok I got lost. I'm not making sense, is this a poem? Or is this just a piece of writing? For a poem or piece of writing to be really appealing, it should have correct spelling and grammer, and shouldn't have shortcuts to words, such as 'u' instead of 'you'. work on it some more, and let your writing flow... |
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sweet_lost_palestinian1 Member
since 2004-01-08
Posts 90 |
well..hello..thank u for ur comments but actually poems are not only about rythming its about ur feelings espcially when ur trying to prove that ur right..thanks again |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Sweet_lost: I poem doesn't have to rhyme to be good, but it does have to be coherent. "IT wont let u sleep.it wont let u eat.i wont let u smile or atleast giveu a chance toopligize." This makes it a little tough on the reader. Please, just try to atleast spell things right, not use shortcuts or abreviations, and maybe have some sense of a plan to the write. I get the feeling you are writing for youself, which is good, but it's tough to give any comments on writing like that. |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
hey, I agree that misspelling things and using abbreviations is very distracting to the reader. The content of this poem was good, but it was hard to see that through all the extra stuff. I think that if you cut all that stuff out, you would be a stronger writer. That's just my opinion, I'm not trying to be offensive. Jen Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved. |
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sweet_lost_palestinian1 Member
since 2004-01-08
Posts 90 |
thank u all once again for ur opinions i will try alittle hard into spelling and everything hopefullly u guyz will enjoy...thanks |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
yeah see. i know its not about rhyming, but really... it should make sense. forget the structure. |
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Toasty Member
since 2003-06-09
Posts 74my little hole in wisconsin |
good description of pain and love-but I would suggest you work on the grammar. It's easier to read, and understand. Otherwise, good job. :0) Keep up the good work, *toasty* "Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales. |
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