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drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

0 posted 2004-01-16 12:37 PM

Thought I'd try a new kind of poem, from the point of a drumstick. Comments and criticism is welcome:

Drumsticks

I crawl out of the darkness
and grasp for breath.
I am blinded, but happy
As his eyes look over my body,
analyzing my imperfections,
and time scars.
He sighs, as if it is my fault
he leaves me out
when his little cousins come over,
Or plays me loud
When his parents aren’t home.

His grip over me grows stronger,
as I slowly slide along the surface of the snare,
preparing for an explosion of sound.
He is ready, which means I am ready.
I bounce on this musical trampoline,
taking turns with my partner,
a rhythmic battle as we flow over drumheads
and glide across cymbals.
his grip slowly looses
as we speed up.
I jump high with every hit
and prepare for the next.
I am fed by the notes
and I’m hungry for more.
He continues to guide me from one
surface to the next.
His grasp over me is relaxed,
so I hold on.
He fades into the music.
My favorite moment.
Harmonious euphoria.
The king who sits on his throne is gone
faded away.
I become king.
And I fly!

Faster and faster,
struggling to remain in his hands
I am sandwiched between
his nodding head and running feed
I am tired and feel his
grip returning
I’m prepared for the perfect run,
double hit snare, tom, tom, bass….
I look for the cymbal. My target.
I lunge for it, punch it,
punish it. My body explodes over
the cold metal surface.
Pain echoes through my body
as the resonating cymbal slowly fades.
I lay in two pieces
on the floor.

Alone, quiet, and useless, now.

the_fortress
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 28

1 posted 2004-01-16 02:42 PM

Very creative. Putting yourself in the situation of the drumstick. I liked that. You made pain inside the poem and happiness. I found this poem to be different from the ones i've seen on here. I liked this a lot.

sweet_lost_palestinian1
Member

since 2004-01-08

Posts 90

2 posted 2004-01-16 03:49 PM

hello..i love ur poem kee it up./..and its okayy if u forgive u are the best...so its okayy ...may god bless u..

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

3 posted 2004-01-16 10:52 PM

This was really cool. Interesting perspective. I liked it a lot.
Jen

Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved.

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

4 posted 2004-01-16 11:18 PM

Thanks for the comments guys. I appreciate the feedback.

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