Late nights and Blurry eyes (Thoughts you shouldn't hold)

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Teen Poetry #7

Late nights and Blurry eyes (Thoughts you shouldn't hold)

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-01-07 05:52 PM

Late nights and Blurry eyes (Thoughts you shouldn't hold)

Find her behind the blurred screen
with cold eyes that can't feel the chill.
Burn your mind with plastic images
and a desire to be rous and kill.
Wicked kinights with evil banners
parade their captives fro a price,
But I hope the subscription ends early
banning your access to this peek-a-boo heist.
List the spots in your dirty history,
let it be found by those who most care;
I pray that shame rules your face for longer than
your eyes red on those who looked so fair.
Try to protect yourself behind a wall
and pray that you don't burn in a lake of true fire,
For all your habits have consequences,
those friends who say otherwise are dedicated liars.
It'll tear apart a union that you want to last,
blowing it away with a shower of angry tears;
Confession has to be accompanied by change
or your addiction will only bring more fears.
You only fear because of punishment
for fear and punishment are bloood brothers,
True love can set you free from your bonds
and allow you to help the culltish others.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

the_fortress
Junior Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 28

1 posted 2004-01-07 10:11 PM

Wow, very nice. I don't know what to say...I'm speechless.

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

2 posted 2004-01-07 10:38 PM

hmmm...I liked this it had a good meaning about changing your life from a horror and making yourself into something better so that you may help others. Some of your images where a little border line but overall nicely done, very captivating.
~Live and Laugh~

Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less
~Bella~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-01-08 08:40 PM

thank you for your comments. yes the subject is quite mature, but that's the point. the whole meaning of it is very serious. since you said something bela, i obviously got my point across. thank you guys once again.
-alex

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

4 posted 2004-01-09 12:06 PM

I like it... the rhyme scheme is a bit forced at times, but with a few word changes, it could be excellent.

Just confused on the beginning: "plastic images". What are you talking about here?

Other than that, the magazines in the next stanza were clear and the rest in the poem.

Nice job.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2004-01-09 01:37 PM

the images are the images of perfection that are seen in the magazines and computer screen.
-alex

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