caller i.d please comment!

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Teen Poetry #7

caller i.d please comment!

broken627
Member

since 2003-11-26

Posts 66
Eugene Oregon

0 posted 2004-01-02 04:56 AM

drifting through a state of mind
lonliness is so unkind
once again checking the call i.d
no call from you i can feel it
this is my downfall
my words cant come out like a car they stall
snow falls down from the trees
visions of you and i cut so deep
the fall ive taken seems so steep
seems like in love all it is is a losing streak
when all i really want is you of which i seek
and your heart is something of which id love to keep
in a way its easier to just get up and walk away
i guess for you there were no words left to say
or maybe i was naive thinking you just might stay
so whatever you may think
i will love you forever without a second thought
wet pillows torn sheets all this relashionship was worth
has been put to sleep
-*-broken627-*-

[This message has been edited by broken627 (01-03-2004 04:13 AM).]

Terrina
Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 166
California

1 posted 2004-01-02 02:10 PM

I relate to you.
I think we all can at one time or another.

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

2 posted 2004-01-02 05:39 PM

This was a really good poem, you got your emotions out very well, nice work

~*~Karen~*~

"One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar" - Helen Keller

Ixxi
Member

since 2004-01-02

Posts 77
England

3 posted 2004-01-02 06:17 PM

I love it. That's all I need to say..

muchos
Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 102

4 posted 2004-01-02 07:01 PM

very beautful. i love how you expressed yourself. keep it up

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

5 posted 2004-01-03 02:35 AM

Nicely done! Very emotional. I think that the ending could use a little work in that you where very good with keeping a ryhme scheme untill the very end and that just throws the reader off to get pulled out of the flow like that. But imagery was excellent and it was and enjoyable read.
~Live and Laugh~

Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less
~Bella~

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