»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
Cigarette
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
Cigarette |
|
|
TheGirlNoOneKnew Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 92PA, USA |
I watched you hold your cigarette in your hands inhaling every bit to the last possible second and I sat there next to you in your car conjuring up in my head some form of intelligent words to make you like me, to make you see how I feel for you You flick the ashes and a few fall in my lap I stare at them...the colors so black and then I see you looking at me your gaze so intent and I wonder what is going on inside your head The car stereo is on... A new found glory blasts threw your speakers and I remember smiling to myself thinking... from now on every time I hear that song I will be thinking of you...of me...of us. You throw your cigarette out the window and concentrate on looking into my eyes your arm wraps around my shoulder as you lean in to kiss me...again...and again And I remember the way you held me that night how your blue eyes reflected in the moonlight I clutch my seatbelt to stop my knees from shaking I know you noticed I was nervous but as you always did you washed all those fears out the door. You were so amazing at everything you did with your band, with your job, with your friends I followed you around like a puppy dog my heart constantly on my sleeve waiting for you to acknowledge me and sometimes when you were not around I would sit there in your room knowing that at any second you would return and sweep me off into your arms again. Being with you excited me, I felt like somebody else a girl who could pretend to be anything she wanted so I acted wild and tried to keep up with you but drinking didn't get me anywhere it just made me even more confused and it caused us to drift apart in the end. I recall the things you used to say to me and even the way you'd play with my hair I had found a best friend for life in you and in me...I don't think you found anything You said that we were perfect for eachother and maybe we were in the beginning but then you had to go and chance your mind like that how was I to know how you felt do you know what its like to be ignored? to want to be with somebody so badly that your heart ached everytime the phone rang? And there were times when I hated you after the breakup, nothing was the same I wasn't the same, you weren't the same we labeled ourselves as just being friends but what we actually were...was nothing. No hellos, no goodbyes we wiped the slate clean time to start over with someone new I don't want that...I still want you and as stupid as this is going to sound I have never felt like this before this agony thats lasted for almost 2 months I don't want to date other people when I kiss other guys the only person I think about is you You are all that I have ever wanted I don't want to give up so soon maybe some battles just aren't meant to happen maybe thats whats meant to be for you and me. And sometimes in my mind...I picture us like that night we were alone under the stars you held your cigarette in one hand my hand in the other stroking my fingertips so gently your touch was as light as a butterflies kiss I will never forget the passion in your eyes thats what still keeps me going knowing that you loved me at some point that you cared enough to stick around it makes me feel better about alot of things because even though we didn't work out at least I can say that I had you and that you had me. |
||
| © Copyright 2003 TheGirlNoOneKnew - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
oh wow. this is a truthful write. |
||
|
broken627 Member
since 2003-11-26
Posts 66Eugene Oregon |
oh my gosh im crying ive never been able to relate to something so much...i cant wait to hear more of your stuff Thanks for sharing! -*-broken627-*- |
||
|
muchos Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 102 |
i love this poem. i am never felt that way about written work before, not even about my own. i can relate to how you feel in so many aspects of your poetry. i definately look forward to reading more!! |
||
|
darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
wow as ive sed b4 u r such a talented writer i really like how much emotion there was in this write well done!!! keep them poems posted |
||
branden726 
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Many of us have different kind of talents in writting. Some of us fiction... Some of us truth.. You've got a little of both which makes you unique. You express emotion greatly, but you also wonder these make for a wonderful combination. Great post. |
||
|
SweetStephanie Junior Member
since 2003-12-29
Posts 18Alabama, |
That is wonderful! i have never been so able to relate to anything! I had a realtionship like that but it was over 2 years ago and he still holds a special place in my heart! thanks please let me know of any new postor email me if you need a friend b/c it does get easier [email protected] ~~~stephanie~~~ |
||
|
peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Just like everyone else said, I can relate to this poem. Great work! My heart was broken as well, the pain lasted seven months for me...and thankfully I finally moved on even though the scars still remain. This def was an awesome write! ~Jess  "Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse |
||
|
kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
WOW. I dont think i have ever cried this much over a poem.. guys yes, poems, not so much! lol This is very powerful, it flowed very well! I am so sorry, i hope things get beter for you, and remember, if its meant to be, it will be!!! Best wishes! ~kissa~ **~kissa~** |
||
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
This is a truthful portrayl of somethng. Pretty darn cool.  |
||
|
young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
great work.i too am very sad now. i relate more than you'll ever know. this lasted over a year for me. so take comfort in the fact that it's always worse for someone else |
||
|
Ixxi Member
since 2004-01-02
Posts 77England |
whoa. *speechless* |
||
|
ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
This is really random but this made me think of an interhouse singing competition i was in 7 years ago....it was a tribute followed by singing Tears in Heaven. Just the tone and the feel of this piece made me think of that tribute. The memories, the thoughts, the feelings, yet so calm. Thanks for sharing, great write! Liz x "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
||
|
chicken Junior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 44 |
i love this poem! eben more than the guy it reminds me about! thanks for agreat read xemmax |
||
|
aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
as with everyone else here i think this is amazing and i agee you have soooooooo much talent with the way you write....... also i can relate to this.... my first b/f is almost exactly as you describe and this egnighted some of the embers that were getting sooo close to being out.... but its ok because i have someone i can think about instead...... thankyou for sharing this and good luck with all your writing in the future... always Mel this is me.... like it or not.... |
||
|
Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
wow, truth is the only way to go. No need to mask the situation with symbolism, it was excellent and impacting this way. GREAT write. I'm glad I read it. |
||
|
drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Great poem. I do have a question though (and I hope you don't get offended or think I'm accusing you of anything), but I know I've read this poem before. Not sure whether it was at another forum, in a poetry book, or some other website, but I've definetly heard this before. Have you won any awards with it or had it published? Posted it anywhere else? Don't think I'm accusing you, I'm just wondering where I've heard it before. |
||
|
TheGirlNoOneKnew Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 92PA, USA |
To the above person ^^, sorry it took me so long to reply. But yes, I've posted this poem before at a few other poetry and teen forums, so thats probably why it sounds so familiar. Thanks for the comment though.  |
||
|
a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
i think it comes from the heart thats why it has such an impact.well done. |
||
|
Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Holy crap. This was completely awesome. Instead of being like everyone else, this is what I have to say - I don't think anyone goes through life, without having their heart broken at least once, so yes, most of us CAN relate to this. Most of us can also relate to still wanting another person for so long after a breakup. I am no different..Those memories, for anyone, never seem to fade, the deeper the wound, the more vivid the memories will be. Well done. This was a wonderful write. Thanks for the read. "I...I bleed...For no one..but myself...For me and no one else!"~ MudVaYne |
||
|
Sass Junior Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 21 |
So many people said they can relate because everyone has their heart broken! Its so true! I am going through it! Amazing job. So real and easy to read. Im glad I read this one! |
||
|
*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
All I can say is.....WOW!  |
||
|
Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
hay girl what are the other names you've posted under? when you live you begin to die |
||
|
TheGirlNoOneKnew Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 92PA, USA |
Other names I've posted under? Well here, it's TheGirlNoOneKnew but on other sites (if thats what you mean), it's Konstantine, Emotionless,Not Your Star, Dusk Till Dawn,Konfusion um..lots of others lol. And thanks once again, everyone for the comments. I was so overwhelmed reading everyone's so thank you. You guys rock. |
||
|
UnsilencedWords666 Member
since 2003-11-19
Posts 63Broken Memories & Falling Tears |
Wow-I read this and was attatched to my screen the whole time. I know exactly how you feel; but in my own special way. I too have been through a situation extremely similar and it has been over a year since we broke-up and I am still suffereing from the side effects from what we went through. And I still sometimes think about what could have been and what should have been, but regardless I know that I will be/am better off without him if he doesn't really care about me the way a boyfrined should...So back on topic....This was amazing keep up the great work.... *~*Nessa Bear*~* You can’t choose who you are Only what you will be Why can't you choose To let me be me...*~*Nessa Bear*~* |
||
|
Snickers123 Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 94United States-Iowa |
awesome, i dont know how to explain it, it was just great. you deffinetly have talent, keep writing. ~*.:Leah:.*~ |
||
|
blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
Haha... Konstantine, Not Your Star, Confusion with a K.... lol ... it's funny um, you know how everyone can relate to your poem, well i'm kind of in the opposite position, where i wasn't heartbroken for forever after the breakup, but he was, and Konstantine was his all-time favorite song... lol... nice write though keep it coming"love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die" |
||
|
A.L Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 131 |
wow it was like you were telling the story of my life...i have been at that place not too long ago and everything you described...new found glory and the cigarette and the way you felt all the way down to his blue eyes....its my life...i have felt that exact same way and i thought i was alone... i really DO wish you got over him, it took me some time but im better now...but i still dont look at new found glory the same way...i get chills when i hear "singled out" by them... great write! -Alison- |
||
|
BabieDoll Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268BFE |
OMG...this poem was absolutely INCREDIBLE! I swear, this is the best write I've read in this entire forum! You have SOOOOME talent! The imagery was SO vivid and I could relate to so many things that you stated. I'm so happy that I found this tonight...it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that goes through these types of things. LOL. This was awesome, hun...completely awesome. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise! It leaves me in awe... ~J.Lynn  There is not ONE person in this world that you cannot live without. |
||
|
swatcatpettus Member
since 2004-04-12
Posts 57CA |
omg, r u serious?? u were tellin me how much u hate him...and now u want him back!?!?!...meh....i shouldnt talk....tty on aim |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I hope you understand that this is beautiful, beautiful poetry. So honest, and so open--you were brave enough to be revealed TWICE. total loveliness. thanks you, for writing it so well I could feel like that again. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
