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Teen Poetry #7
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understanding with jo
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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understanding with jo |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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understanding with jo. my dreams are so real, so constant and true, all seems to be new and old, All running together here. My memories are somehow Linked to these imagined, or maybe not so imagined, images portraid in my mind. Nightmares and fantasys Mix and meld to form a muddied place in which confusion reigns over all. The nightmares prevail Over fantasys and hope, Making my fondest times with you Turn into hatful deths. I like to explore in my wonderlands But scream out fears in sweat tears. Haze covers everything that was clear, What was hazy is so clear now, The way you feel about me And the way i look at you. Understand what i dont And take these hellish sounds So far away, this unrested sleep. To those who have read and know The way these memories last, This is what i see and feel, Jo, this is my crimson nightmare. now im alone, but not lonely like before |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada |
very nice i really enjoyed this i to find that bad and good memories tend to blend together but no matter what the bad seems to out do the good . thank you for sharing you are very talented!!! |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
for once, I'm not too impressed. maybe it feels like too many words, that are just sort of wasted because there not creating images. its like short and hurried and cheap descrpitions of something you know is much deeper. I don't know though.... |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
MHO is that this is more personal than it is impressional. It seems like you're trying more to express something than help people understand, paint a picture, explain something with words, etc. I'm curious to see what you came up with if you assumed that your audience had no idea what you were writing about. That's my two cents. One more exam to go, I am going to crazy and listening to The Suicide Machines "Permanent Holiday".. I wish. I'll be back, Alex. |
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Censored Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 86 |
I really have no idea what any of this was about... maybe you can explain? |
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada |
i dont understand why everyone in this fourm is so negitive. he is a very talented young man.............. i will just leave it at that! |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Tequila Sunrise - I think we all know that Alex is talented... people posting "negative" comments are just trying to help him get better, because we can all grow on this forum. Personally, this wasn't my favorite one you've written, but it's still good... I just like the other three you posted the other day better. |
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada |
The key is Constructive Critiques! i do not see anything constructive about thoses negitive comments. Maybe next time you can try and help him grow by actualy telling him how he could improve his work........... |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
this is about a dream that i had. in the dream, nothing was as we think of things. there was no color really, it was almost all...grey except there were crimson colored lamp posts and butterflies around. the poem was more of random ideas. when i wrote it, i had just woken from the dream. the part about understanding with jo refers to a young lady who had an identical dream. it was really weird. thank you all for commenting so much. if you haven't yet, please check out some of my other stuff. thanks -alex |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
i like the poem a lot more that you explained what you meant. the dream idea is damn cool. bergundy "Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man) |
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