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adbdesperado18
Junior Member

since 2003-11-30

Posts 33

0 posted 2003-11-30 07:34 PM

Here,
Standing before me,
Aooears a figure of perfection,
Her eyes,
The lightest of the light,
Shimmering like diamonds,
Amidst the darkness of the night,
Her soft lips,
So perfectly heart shpated,
Her skin,
Gleaming with radiance,
Her flowing chestnut hair,
Lying gingerly upon her shoulders,
But only I see,
The deep cracks her crimson lips suffer from,
Induced by burns received from murderous winds,
The jagged scars,
Inhabiting every inch of her skin,
From the claw-like branches of gnarled trees,
Tearing at her already mangled body,
Her hair,
Thoroughly incinerated,
From fires blazing around her,
Her glimmering pale eyes,
Filled with tears from crisp, cold air,
And the brutal, relentless beatings,
She endures,
Each, and every day
For the heroine she portrays,
And the act she plays,
Tells you nothing of the sort

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2003-11-30 08:39 PM

Very powerful...lots of times people don't see someone for who they really are and what they go through....very well done! Welcome to Passions!

~sky

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2003-11-30 10:11 PM

Welcome to piptalk.
In the begining, I was thinking this is nice, but then as it went on, I realized how intense it became, and how involved in the words I became. Really beautiful, even though you speak of hurting. Your caring is what comes through. That you can SEE her, and tresure her.
I got a lot from this piece.
And I hope to see you post often.
~Lex

[This message has been edited by Lexy (11-30-2003 10:12 PM).]

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

3 posted 2003-12-01 08:31 PM

Welcome to pip and amazing first write. I was so excited when I started reading it thinking it was a love poem then you got down to it. Some of the best description i have seen in a long time.Keep this up; I am going to look for more of your stuff.

I can't be your superman

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

4 posted 2003-12-01 08:38 PM

This may be your first post on here but it shows you enjoy writing and have probably been doing it for a lil bit. Great Post

Ally Stone
Junior Member

since 2003-10-20

Posts 48
D.C.

5 posted 2003-12-02 03:43 PM

This was good, especially the imagery. Keep it up.
~A~

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