Someone Else - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #7

Someone Else

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2006-08-29 04:36 PM

There’s someone else inside of me
Who I always seem to show
When it is not the time
To deal out verbal blows

I’m not sure who she is
But she isn’t very nice
This horrid girl inside of me
Seems never to think twice

She says some awful words, you see,
That really shouldn’t be said
And when I go to school , next day,
I hope she stays abed

Perhaps this horrid girl
Will someday mend her ways
Perhaps she’ll let the nice one Live the rest of my days

I guess this a “wait and see”
Though I hope its not to long
‘Cause of this horrid girl inside of me
Everything goes wrong

Perhaps the other side of me
Will conquer her and triumph
It seems now though that glorious day,
Isn’t nearly near enough

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-08-30 10:11 PM

hey.. I really liked the idea of this poem. At some places I feel like you could have added or taken out a word to make more sense and make the rhyming more on time. I had to stop in a couple spots to realize what I was saying. Kind of like at tongue twister. But this was really good.. Keep it up.

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2006-09-03 07:58 PM

Yep, it seems everyone has sort of a 'mean side' inside of themselves that shows up every so often. I could really relate to this poem, and think you did an excellent job!

~Alli~

secret_truth_lies
Member

since 2006-11-14

Posts 74

3 posted 2006-12-29 07:59 PM

I like how you made this so creative. I wouldn't of thought of doing such thing like this. Good job. Oh and I know exactly what you are going through. I'm actually trying to fight the horrible person inside of me too. I hope you get the nice side out soon. lol. I hope to see more of your work on here. Thanks for sharig with us.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.