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cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

0 posted 2006-08-28 07:18 PM

When you came down
all I did was jump up and down one the ground.
I remember when we were little
we would tell eachother we love one another.
Well let me tell you something that you need to hear... I love you and I'm not gonna lose you again, That's one of my biggest fears.
When I heard you loved me too,
I knew right from the start that was true.
Everytime I saw you, my heart started to beat faster.
Everytime our date was over, you would kiss me on my lips and always say "baby I'll see ya lata."
You're not a pretty boy, You're a hot sexy, hansome guy.
All the girls want to be by your side.
I just laugh in there faces,
and then tell them they will never win the race.
Me and you are a cute couple,
let me use me and you in a example...
When we were swimming under water we would make out.
When we got above you would always pout.
I'm so happy you came back down from Canada to Florida.
It's been so long, so I gotta say "Long time no see."
Finally we get to be free.

mgoodman1989
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 93
Iowa, USA

1 posted 2006-09-03 12:39 PM

Boosting because I hate to see a poem go un-noticed.

My only suggestion would be to read through the poem slowly before you post it. You did a good job with the words, but your punctuation could use a little help. I would say, use comma's or start new lines to emphasize pauses or breaks in the flow. Also, the occasionally typo. All in all, good write. I'd give it a 8 outta 10.

Much love,
Michelle

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2006-09-03 07:58 PM

Hm, interesting write. First off, let me say how happy I am that you're with this guy who sounds so aweseome.

Now, I have a few suggestions for your poem. One, is that before you post, you should definately spell-check and proofread it. I saw some grammatical errors that kind of made the poem a little difficult to understand in places. Secondly, I just kind of feel like the rhymes in some of the stanza sounded forced a bit, if you know what I mean?

But overall, I enjoyed your poem. Just keep working and posting here at pip!

~Alli~

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

3 posted 2006-09-14 02:59 PM

Thanks for commenting. I haven't been on here in awhile. In a couple of days I'll be writing more sad poems and some happy ones aswell. But I'm happy that Robby is finally here. Thank God b/c I was about to shut down over eveything that has been going around here. I really missed him alot. Well thanks again you guys. It really means alot to me.

secret_truth_lies
Member

since 2006-11-14

Posts 74

4 posted 2006-12-25 11:59 AM

AWWW!!! I remember that day when he came back. Im glad that your happy. I just have to say Happy Holidays And what A great write.

secret_truth_lies
Member

since 2006-11-14

Posts 74

5 posted 2006-12-29 07:37 PM

Oh wait you two broke up didn't you? Sorry. That was about 2 months ago. Sorry Chica. Love lots.

secret_truth_lies
Member

since 2006-11-14

Posts 74

6 posted 2007-01-03 04:02 PM

But hey you still talk to him even if He lives up in Canada. I thought you two were a great couple. Man... i wish Me and Kyle were like that.

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