Two Friends, One Song - pipTalk Forums

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WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

0 posted 2006-08-04 11:01 AM

We’ve always been friends, through thick and through thin,
You dated her, I broke up with him.
We came to each other with troubles and woes,
I’ve combed your hair, you’ve painted my toes.
I know your secret, you sing really well,
You helped me when my dad put me through hell.
I call you “darlin’”, you call me “honey”,
We’ve been friends so long it ain’t even funny!

So when, at the dance, our song started playing,
It just seemed so natural, it went without saying.
You came to me, standing there with the girls,
You smiled and said “Wanna go a few twirls?”
I laughed as you swung me out onto the floor,
And then for some reason I couldn’t breath anymore.
As you looked in my eyes, my breath came in a hiss,
As you brushed your lips against mine for a kiss.

We laugh about it now, but then it was a surprise,
But I knew the second I looked into your eyes.
Now we’re more than friends, I’m proud to say,
For almost 8 months, right down to the day!
And as I sit here, holding your hand,
I Know that only you will ever understand.
We’ve really been together for so very long,
We started out as two friends, and that changed with one song.

When I stopped trying to find the right guy, and concentrated on being the right girl, the right guy found me.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-08-05 01:18 AM

Aww, this is such a beautiful/sweet poem. I loved reading it, I love what happens in it! You did an amazing job in writing this poem.

The only thing I find kind of so-so is the first stanza. You can't, or I can't, really feel your emotions in it, it's kind of just stating facts. Yet, maybe that's a good thing because it sets the plot? I'm not sure on that...

I loved the ending stanza though! So beautiful to read. The second and third stanza have wonderful imagery in them; you can almost imagine yourself there, watching in the corner...

Great job with this poem; I hope to see more soon

@-->---

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

2 posted 2006-08-05 08:18 AM

Kelsey~
You captured me with the opening ...
held me through the read ...
left me with a *sigh*~

Delightful~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - [email protected]

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

3 posted 2006-08-05 06:28 PM

Wow,

Wonderful job. This was so beautiful. *tear*

I love the way it ended.

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2006-08-09 09:34 PM

that was great it was addicting to read from the begging wow i really like that.......good job. thanx for sharing
Krysti*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

5 posted 2006-08-09 11:54 PM

This is the sweetest poem ever!! its sooo cute!
the flow is amazing and just ahhh! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! i dont think ive ever read any of your stuff before? i'm sorry i havent cuz you're a good poet!!

Nice job!

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