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pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2006-08-01 02:00 PM

I wish that I could see
Into the depths of your heart
Then maybe I would know
What makes you look and want

I wish that I could see
Into the corners of your mind
Then maybe I would know
Just how to make you mine

I wish that I could see, like God,
Inside your soul
Then maybe I would know why
Winning me is not your goal

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-08-01 02:09 PM

"I wish that I could see, like God,
Inside your soul
Then maybe I would know why
Winning me is not your goal"

Aww, what a sad poem! Sweet, yet, sad, sweet because you care, sad because he/she doesn't?

I like this kind of poem though; I like how it shows the sweetness in one person, but the indifference in another? Well, maybe I shouldn't say indifference, but, ... that you can't make someone like you when they don't.

This was a very enjoyable read.
Thanks a bunch for sharing!

@-->---

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

2 posted 2006-08-01 02:14 PM

thanks, Stargal!

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

3 posted 2006-08-01 07:05 PM

awww. p&p.. this was one of my fav by you.. Great job.. sad..

but the last two stanzas were incredible.. keep it up..

~heather..

going in library

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

lace_of_light
Junior Member

since 2006-08-02

Posts 44

4 posted 2006-08-02 03:31 PM

It's sweet and sad (hard to pull off for me) I'm really happy 'cause this poem is really touching.

~Thanks a million plus two~

"areyouinorareyouout? eitherwayyoucan'twin." he said. "butthefallwillbefantasticandwhat'sleftisnothinglessthanperfection"

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

5 posted 2006-08-02 03:47 PM

I wish that I could see
Into the corners of your mind
Then maybe I would know
Just how to make you mine

Loved this stanza. For some reason though the last one just didn't seem to fit for me. I think cause it just didn't seem to end it. idk the last line was the only thing that I thought was'nt quite right, I absolutly loved the rest though!

myspace username-beautiful_tragidy
I just want to find my way back to you...where love is strong and feels brand new.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

6 posted 2006-08-03 01:07 PM

The last stanza was just WOW. so sweet...
but it was sad also. like idk what to say to this poem. i just loved it. and i loved what it was saying and i loved how you wrote. its amazing. thanks for sharin!

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