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Teen Poetry #7
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Wish
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Wish |
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xox.ice.cream.lover.xox Junior Member
since 2006-01-07
Posts 20Canada |
Watching clouds go by, As they dritf, drift away… The sun’s abit too bright It’s just another day. Feeling a little homesick, Ever since we said goodbye… Look up at the moon It’s just another night. Nothing feels quite right, You’re far, far away… Breathe in the summer haze It’s yet another day. I’ll wish upon a star, Wish with all my might… You’ll be here soon now. Just a few more nights. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Sabrina R. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Sabrina, Neat poem! It was interesting how it changed from sunshine to night to day, yet, it still kept it together. I thought that was nice, how you could change the setting in each stanza yet keep the poem on track, keep it so it made sense. Excellent job with that! I felt, and I could be wrong, that the flow was kind of so-so. Maybe, if you read this allowed to yourself you can see that too? If not, I’m sure it’s just me and I’d ignore what I just said. "Feeling a little homesick, Ever since we said goodbye… Look up at the moon It’s just another night." This part was my favorite. It's something that could be applied to every day life, or my life, in feeling homesick, looking at the moon, just another night, that kind of thing is what makes the poem interesting to me. It makes me want to read this again because it's everyday living, if that makes sense? Thanks for sharing!  @-->--- |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
I really like this although you could put in may some figurative language. make it more interesting. Leigh |
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