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oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

0 posted 2006-07-25 02:08 PM

After the rain
what will you gain

after the night
what is in sight

after the sunrise
all i hear are the cries

after the snow
will you have to go

after the storm
will i still feel so torn

my tired eyes weep for something
i cant keep

Then "i love you" are the words i hear
and all my questions disappear

Now

after the rain
i have everything to gain

after the night
i see all in sight

and after the sunrise
i hear no more cries

after the snow
i know you will go

and after the storm
Yes, i will still be torn

but the words "i love you"
will always ring true

And i can start
to piece together my broken heart

sorry about the length, and yes, i know its not really one of my top poems! lately my writing has just...plumeted! i am soooo frustrated! later guys!

[This message has been edited by oh_my_goshijustgotexcited (07-25-2006 10:47 PM).]

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

1 posted 2006-07-25 08:25 PM

I really like it, and that's all it matters. If the person likes it, then you have to think it's pretty good.
But you have One mistake, You had said in the first part sinrise, I'm guessing you meant to say sunrise. But that's what I'm guessing. But other than that It wasn't a sad poem. In fact it was really good. Very emotional in my point of view, I'm not sure that's how you would put it, or I'm just having a very emotional day. But w/e.

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

2 posted 2006-07-25 10:46 PM

hehe sinrise...that makes me laugh! THANKS so much for telling me, cuz i totally spaced it! and yes, i have emotional days too! so, no worries! thanks again for commenting!
-later

Viola

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-07-26 12:42 PM

Umm, it’s okay, not my favorite but it was sweet.

I liked how it was sad at first, seemingly hopeless but in the end even though that person left you still knew “you” could move on, survive, live and mend. I liked that a lot!

And, yes, it wasn’t really that long it was long but short because you only did like two lines for most of the stanzas. I thought that was the perfect length.

Thanks a bunch for sharing, it was a pleasure to read

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