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acid_tears_i_cry
Junior Member

since 2005-11-25

Posts 24
United States, UT

0 posted 2006-07-23 06:39 PM

Stop me,
Im going too fast,
Catch me,
Im falling too fast...
let me go,
Its not fast enough.
     Dont wrap up my wrist, let it bleed...
The pressure feels good,
Dont save me, let me drown, let me cry, let it hurt...

      STOPE ME!
           It was just TOO LITTLE TOO LATE...
                     Why didnt I let you catch me?

              By: Malinda peterson

Can you read the word "loneliness" and not think of a dark room?

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-07-23 11:34 PM

Ok.. I liked the poem overall.. and I like how it had two different emotions in it.. I just feel like you went too quickly for such a change of emotion..

I get how you went from "catch me, i'm falling too fast" to "let me go, it's not fast enough"
I just believe that if it wasn't such a quick and sudden change that the reader wouldn't have to stop and think about what just happened ya know? It's like a stall in the poem..

then you went from "Dont save me, let me drown, let me cry, let it hurt..." to "STOPE ME!" (which should say 'stop' instead of 'stope') I just feel like that too was sort of sudden..

          "It was just TOO LITTLE TOO LATE...
                     Why didnt I let you catch me?"

These two lines though were perfect at the end. I love the last line.. it was like a time of reflecting your mistkakes in a way..
So.. here's the problem, I don't think that you could really change the other parts I mentioned and still have such a great ending.. so.. I guess I told you all this for nothing.. because even though I had to stop and think about it for a second where it changed.. if you changed the middle or lengthened it, than it the end might not be as strong.. so.. I failed to give you any great contructive critism.. just a bunch of rubble leading up to a GREAT JOB!!.. (I love telling people what i think even when it leads no where) sorry if i've wasted your time.) This poem could be changed and [maybe] become better.. but I like it this way too.. You seem to have some very deep emotions..

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

elisalie16
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 118
new jersey

2 posted 2006-07-23 11:37 PM

i actually liked the contrasting thoughts and change of emotion. it worked very well, being as you often feel opposite emotions at the same time

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-07-24 02:28 AM

I also liked the change of emotions; I liked how it changed fast too! It was like when a person arguing with themselves, you go from one emotion to the other in a blink of an eye. It’s fast, it’s interesting to hear/read, I find that it was perfect for this poem.

It WOULD be neat if you could lengthen the poem to something longer but since you might not be able to catch those emotions again. No offence, it’s just that I know I can’t and you might be the same, it would kind of ruin the poem for me without those emotions. They need to be strong and bold, that’s what makes this poem really work, in my opinion. Yet, if you can capture the moment again, go for it! Increase the length; that would be simply amazing!

All in all though, I liked this poem a lot; thanks a bunch for sharing!

@-->---

kin3tix
Junior Member

since 2006-07-05

Posts 17
Somewhere wondering...

4 posted 2006-07-24 07:16 PM

I agree with Heather on this one, the concept was good and the emotions portrayed were also good but in my opinion the change in feeling was too abrubt.

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