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Teen Poetry #7
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It Happens
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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It Happens |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! 
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Why did the last breath hurt the most Im still trying to think Why im feeling dead inside Theres only so much I can take You pushed me untill i was at the edge With ten inches left to go I finally break from the inside I just thought id let you know You pushed me to my death Thank you so much for your care You left me at the bottom While I still gasped for air Longing for the life you broke It burned out like matches I wish I could start again But all I have is ashes |
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| © Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mandy07 New Member
since 2006-07-20
Posts 4 |
Your message of this poem was hidden very deep in your words and I had to read it several times to understand it -which adds mystery to the piece. Overall good write! |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
I don't see a mystery in this poem. All I see is a very emotional poem. This was a very interesting poem though. I thought it was very good. ~Trapped in this thing called life~ |
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oh_my_goshijustgotexcited Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 52USA, IDAHO |
Tempest...you are an amazing poet! thats all i have to say! great write, cant wait to see more! Viola |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
"You pushed me to my death Thank you so much for your care You left me at the bottom While I still gasped for air" How sad... I loved this poem though! It is now one of my favorites by you... I thought it was very good, yet, i also didn't see the mystery, i must be very dense? I liked how, in the stanza above, you "thanked" the person for pushing you over the edge. It was an interesting twist, ironic sarcasm... I loved that! I also liked the ending in this poem a lot, it was a nice wrap up job to make it all fit together... Thanks for sharing, this was an amazing write  @-->--- |
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broken_smile1469 Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104 |
hey i LOVE this poem! i love all of your poems! you are a great poet keep writing!!!! hope to see more by you |
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synthetic Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70ontario, canada |
I truly felt the melancholy of your words through the first line. It contained; the death, the life, the pain that you spoke of throughout the remainder of your poem. Well done. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Not a mystery at all.. I loved it.. I agree, you are a great poet with wonderful talent.. keep it up.. I enjoy your poetry..  ~heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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Mandy07 New Member
since 2006-07-20
Posts 4 |
I know why I was the only one that saw mystery. So... now that I have read it nevermind. |
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Mandy07 New Member
since 2006-07-20
Posts 4 |
I know why I was the only one that saw mystery. So... now that I have read it AGAIN nevermind. |
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pip_man Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70Canada |
Hey. I thought this was an amazing poem! I understand how you msut have been feeling when you wrote this poem. "You left me at the bottom While I still gasped for air" I thought this was the best part of the poem! Great write! hope to see more. |
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nostalgic*pride Member
since 2006-08-23
Posts 122NowhereVille |
I know this is a bit older, but I have to say that this poem is truly amazing. Just like... well, all your others. |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
Man this was an awsome poem. I love your work. Everytime I read your poems they are always related to my life. I would love to see more from you in the future. Thanks for sharing. Courtney |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
i dont feel like re-typing this, so ill just post on it so it goes to the top. i want more people to read this poem. hooray for lazy people! This is the only life you have, so live it to be remembered |
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