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Teen Poetry #7
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Freedom at last
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Freedom at last |
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Cherishable_Baybee Member
since 2006-01-04
Posts 57 |
Freedom at last By: Cherishable_Baybee Day after day Month after month I rejoice in the departure of grandparents They place a great deal of trust in me Which they have never done before They are actually placing my life in my own hands It may be only for a short period of time But at least I get to experience some freedom I’ve never felt more trilled to see them leave Nothing but happy thoughts Run across my mind The very thought of it blows me away But apart of me remained in fear What will happen when they arrive? Will they let me continue on living this way? I know nothing can tear my grandparents and me apart But fights and struggle for life and freedom Make it hard to communicate Nothing mattered at this moment All that mattered is, Is that I'm free Free as a bird I can spread my wings And fly away Nothing longer tamed So glad this is happening The trill of adrenaline runs through the course of my veins For once I have a longing to live I am born again And nobody could not stand in between my freedom and me As long as I’m in control All that mattered is that I’m finally happy People said I would end up in a catastrophic state without them But if they only knew how much heartbreak and misery my grandparents caused Then they wouldn’t underestimate me or them and maybe just maybe I could live life in peace. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Cherishable_Baybee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
i liked it, i just dont understand where you are coming from, sounds like at first with them you get responsibility, and with out you are free, then it seems that with them you cant be torn apart. i liked the feel of it. if you could explain to me alittle bit more please, im sure its good i just dont understand. sorry, RHIA |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Umm, i'd have to agree with Rhia it sounds to me that you have mixed emotions about your grandparents, that you love them yet there is part of you that wants them to just leave you alone! I don't know, that's just what i thought though... Also, on this poem I think that your tenses are a little jumbled up, I'm not sure cause i'm not very good with tenses but I kind of felt like sometimes they were wrong, no offence... Maybe it was on purpose and maybe not but I liked the mixed emotions in this, i liked how sometimes you contradicted yourself but didn't contradict yourself? Okay, now that's just what i'm doing... lol Great job on this one Cherishable_Baybee I can't wait to see more by you in the near future!  @-->--- |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Cherishable_Baybee, I see that you don't encourage critiques. So I'll just say, I think you had mixed feeling, good job, and move on. Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Oops... I'm so sorry I didn't see that you didn't want critiques, I completely spaced out on that! Stupid me... Just ignore earlier comment please @-->--- |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
ya i didnt realize either that you didnt want critiques, sorry. |
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Cherishable_Baybee Member
since 2006-01-04
Posts 57 |
no problem it okay really...it i was kinda writting these with mixed emotions so it guess it showed in my written. When im with them i fell trapped and im just saying i love them but i wish they would understand...but hey adults never understand anything.... |
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