stoplights that shouldn't have been red.

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

makeupstains
New Member

since 2006-06-27

Posts 7

0 posted 2006-06-28 11:34 PM

i pulled into my driveway
eight and a half minutes to late.
because the tears wouldn't stop falling

i walked in with my head turned
so no one could see my face
and all the questions in my eyes

i never asked for this
i never wanted to cry again
but as i sit here with our picture
looking at our faces through the tears
something dies inside of me again

nothing can stop these memories
from dancing in front of me.
because six months later i can
still feel my heart being ripped out
as you backed out of my driveway.

you took all of me with you
on that cold december night.
you took all of us.
when you disappeared into
the darkness down my street.

you broke what was left of me
as you hit the gas pedal
with no intent to turn around.
and as i stood in the middle of
the intersection near your old
wrecked truck.
it wouldn't stop hurting as i saw
everything we were
in the glass broken along the road.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-06-29 12:18 PM

Hey makeupstains,

What a sad poem! Although, I must admit I’m not really sure I understand the ending stanza, or even the ending line? I think I’ll go back and re-read that again, for me it was a little confusing…In fact I must be missing a lot of things in this poem, I’m just a little dense, I know I must’ve missed some of the little things…

I thought that the rhythm in this was okay, not great, but it was, umm… it was okay? I feel like there is room for improvement there, but what do I know? Nothing!

“you took all of me with you
on that cold december night.
you took all of us.
when you disappeared into
the darkness down my street.”

I loved this stanza^^ it was very sad to read. The whole poem was sad to read but for me that was the most sad in the whole poem? Yet the imagery was very good. The way you described things so vividly in the poem was amazing I could picture it all in my mind very clearly….

Great write on this one, I think it’s probably my favorite of yours so far, but I’ve only seen two, counting this one, so I guess that’s not saying much…
Once again though, I can’t wait to see more of your posts

@-->---

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2006-06-29 01:05 AM

such a sad write, but done very well.

makeupstains
New Member

since 2006-06-27

Posts 7

3 posted 2006-06-29 10:20 PM

okay. let me explain this one a little bit.

my ex-boyfriend broke up
with me on december 13th last year.
we had dated for eight and a half months.
and as soon as he broke up with me.
not 5 minutes afterwards.
i got a call saying he had been in a wreck.
and we rushed down there to see him.
and make sure he was okay.
and that was perhaps the hardest thing to do.
to see him.
and not be able to be near him like
i was accustomed to.

so maybe that explains a little bit.

<3

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2006-06-29 11:34 PM

I liked this.. I like the fact that you explained it and now I know what it means.. but to be honest.. I felt more of this poem in my heart before you explained. I guess It's bc I had an idea but it was my own and then I saw exaclty it was talking about.. either way.. this was great.. I love the 8 and 1/2 minutes too late thing becuase it compares to the 8 and 1/2 months of being together.. very creative.. good job..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.