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Teen Poetry #7
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that is how love goes.
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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that is how love goes. |
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electricxheart Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184far away from home. |
rattling my fragile bones all the apathy sucking the life out of the summer air things are far from your painted up perfection and i can’t shut you down can’t turn you off why keep our hearts waiting the beat in slow tempo and off tune oh, we’re losing it tell me we’re not losing this built up battle sticking in between the confines of this [potential] love why do we care why do we think this is nothing new coming and going like the way you would whisper into my ear uncaring heart why do i love you so? |
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| © Copyright 2006 Kelly Landis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
wow.. I loved this.. it was amazing. i loved how it built up unitl the end.. I actually love the way that this poem was set up.. I usualy like stanzas but this was wonderfully done the way it is. I wouldn't change anything at all.. GREAT job.. going in my library.. ~Heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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Poetic Concept Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66God's Fingerprint |
The only thing I do not like is the last word I would take that out...besides that I think this does have (potential) I like when poets do that it is funny because many poets dont understand that the reader must understand the poems and at the same time feel the concepts that are involved in this as well' I think that this is good and keep writing elevation is the key. Return the favor on Dreams of a Vet |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
For the last line to be correct in grammar I believe you would have to remove the word "so" but unlike poetic concept I liked it. Honestly I don’t know why I feel like it flows better with the word “so” than without, but that’s how I feel about it… I’m sorry, I’m not much help there! I also liked how the poem was set up, the way you built the whole thing up for us, got us “into” the poem was great… Anyway, sorry my post is so short. I’d love to see more from you though, and I hope you will continue posting  @-->--- |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
I also normaly use stanzas, but the way you set this up was perfect. I don't care so much about being grammicly correct. Only if it's big things. Little things are fine. I like the build up until the end and I love the way you ended it with a question. Well that's about it. Nice work. Jessica |
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