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Teen Poetry #7
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The Weather with some love
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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The Weather with some love |
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girlskater117 Junior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 32 |
This one might not be good --Im sorry-- Our mine through the wind and weather... Were always together, holding each other... We never stop thinking of each oter when the rain.. comes,Thats why we love each other... Through the weater.. Were never going to part from each other... Even when the time is wrong... |
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| © Copyright 2006 girlskater117 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
i think you could do more with it. but i loved the last line, it just fit so well. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I agree that you could do more with this.. but the last line was amazing.. it was kind of differnet from the rest of the poem. It was like you were reading one thing then all of a sudden the last line gives you a differnet out look.  it was good. You had some spelling mistakes:"Were" on the second line should be "We're" "oter" on the third line should be "other" "Were" on the sixth line should be "We're" I'm sure these are just typos but it would make it more clear if the reader didn't have to pause slightly to understand. Not trying to be harsh.. the first line says "our mine" ? I'm not sure if you meant to put mine or mind or something else but it doesn't seem to make sense to me.. Anyways, this was a good poem and with some revising and editing this would be great. you could even add on to it to make it more interesting Good Write.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, well, mostly what I wanted to say has already been said... I didn't think this was your best poem I've ever seen but I do think you could turn it into somehting amazing. With a little bit of polish here and there and maybe even making it longer? And like the others said the last line was simply fantastic, my favorite part in the whole poem. It was very... beautiful? I'm not sure what you'd call it but I really liked that part... So, great job on this poem i'd love to see what you come up with next  @-->--- |
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