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Teen Poetry #7

this is all i can take

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

0 posted 2006-06-02 05:59 PM

the silence pounds in my ears,
there's a peircing sound of tears.
the quiet's so loud,
the silence sounds,
this is all i can take.

colors are no more,
laughing is behind locked doors,
smiles aren't even thought of,
joy is like a long lost love,
and if anything seems happy, its fake,
this is all i can take,

i'm so still that i'm shaking,
its so dark that its blinding,
the warmth bitterly fades colder,
the soft edges turn to sharp corners,
if there's anything nice, it breaks,
this is all i can take.

~L

(not my best, but w/ever...)

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-06-03 10:13 PM

(not my best but whatever) ??? this is amazing.. I can see where it could be spiced up or edged a little bit.. just a couple places of improvement.. but you went out on a limb writing in this STYLE of poetry.. I, myself, think that this was GREAT!! my favorite two lines out of the whole thing..

i'm so still that i'm shaking,
its so dark that its blinding,

it kinda reminds me of the poem I wrote "running backwards" this was a very good piece by you.. I hope to hear more..

PS-Never doubt yourself or your work

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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