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will you
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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will you |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain 
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{this doesn't exactly have a good flow...sorry!...but i wrote it to get out what i couldn't say..and it didn't really work=/...} You quickly fall asleep unaware that my heart is aching and my tears have dampened the sheets are you aware? As dusk breaks to dawn i still lie awake from my deep sorrow and thoughts of what pain will come tomorrow what pain? This pain is relentless consuming my every thought my every breath, my will to go on, am i destined for a life of emptiness do i have a will to go on am i? As the tide when darkness falls drifts out at night and returns at daybreak so will i pray our love returns cleansed and fresh will it? I live through you and i also die through you, you're the only one that can revive me from my death will you? ~missy My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away.. my love is a waste of time if you never stay |
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| © Copyright 2006 Marisa F - All Rights Reserved | |||
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is |
good job...im a little confussled tho... lol ~L |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey, Yes, you are right, not a lot of flow, but not all poems have to have flow. If this was just a poem where you are trying to get something out of your mind into the open, than I don't expect you to have a whole lot of flow. Wow... That sounds kind of arrogant, sorry  I didn't really find this confusing at all, in fact i can relate to this 100%. Mostly the ending stanza, sometimes i wonder if i'm going to be brought back by someone also... but, of course, my understanding of this poem might not be your understanding of your poem. Everyone has a different idea of what they read, we won't always see the deeper meanings that the writer does. I'm afraid I am not adding much to this post, I'm not feeling in a very critiquing way  Great write on this one. I hope everything goes better for you in the future... that is IF i'm understanding this right. lol @-->--- |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
you are... when i wrote this I just wrote it, like I said, to get feeling's out...not for it to rhyme or anything... I think the people that get it understand what it means, and what I'm trying to show in this poem...what I went through. I guess I didn't want it to "flow" perfectly because the relationship didn't "flow" perfectly either.. thanks for writing back!! ~missy |
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