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Teen Poetry #7
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no one compares
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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no one compares |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain 
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Your Perfect… …Because everything you do Makes me smile …Because every second spent with you Is worth while …Because when you laugh at me I laugh too …Because everyone else can see That I’m devoted to you …Because I love your eyes And the way they shine …Because you don’t tell lies And you’re so cute when you whine …Because when you get mad You can’t hide it …Because even when you’re sad I can find it …Because the way you hold me Sends shivers down my spine …Because your spirits so free And you’re so darn fine …Because I never stop thinking about you It’s not fair …Because you’re just perfect And no one else can compare.. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Marisa F - All Rights Reserved | |||
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is |
amazing. ~L |
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scyzoryk_o4 Junior Member
since 2006-05-23
Posts 36Canada and Poland |
Nice poem I like the stile, its interesting how you use because every other line without making it sounds too repetitive. Also I can relate because for a while I felt the same way about a girlfriend, until well I realized that no one person is perfect, we are all perfect with our faults and good qualities. Nice write Maksym |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Umm, well, I hate to disagree, but after awhile I did find the “because” became a little bit repetitive. Now, that could be just because I read the other comment, and started noticing it more when I read it over again, I’m not sure… but, I did want to give you my honest opinion of it, so I had to tell you, no offence of course. As for no one being perfect? Perfectly true, that’s why whenever I read something that talks about the “perfect” person, I always think perfectly human! Umm, does that make any sense, or is that just to confusing? I did like how you put the reasons to why you thought he/she was “perfect”, I know that I have trouble coming up with new and unique ideas on that, but on yours you seemed to have no troubles at all. I liked this poem a lot, and I’m sorry that I did not post on it sooner, I’m afraid I have been away or else I would have. So great write on this one once again, and I hope to see more of your writes in the near future  @-->--- |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
thanks for the critique.. when it says that "you're perfect" i meant in all the things i had put in the poem, not as a perfect human. Just perfect for me i guess...thanks again ~missy |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I read this once before and I read it to my bff but I guess I just got the chance to comment on it.. wonderful Wonderful. WONDERFUL! I loved this poem by you.. it was great.. I can tell how the feelings in this all come together at the end.. it's simple and sweet and just amazing. Great job. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
i realy really really liked this. yes the because's were repetitive (is that the word! haha  ) but it all came together and i loved it. Good job! |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
aww, I feel special that you read my poem to your bf, heather!!!thats so sweet..and thanks for the critique bekahlekah!!it does kind of get repitive{that is the word=)..} but I couldn't think of anything else to put!!=/ oh well..thanks alot!!it means alot y'all.. xox -missy |
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