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Teen Poetry #7
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Disguise
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Disguise |
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK 
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She walks into the classroom, A crafty smile upon her face. The hurt from the weekend, Has left not a trace. School is her shelter, It's where she feels safe. Daddy can't get her, When she's in this place. Going home in the afternoon. . She so dreads that time. Daddy insists she must be punished, Although she has commited no crime. Father has a problem you see, he is rather fond on the drink. Once he's had a few, He'll say whatever he thinks. Not only will he say what he thinks, He'll do whatever he desires. So when pap has been drinking, she runs to her bedroom and cries. Ever since mummy died, Daddy hasn't been the same, He seems to hate little Sarah, Not that he ever calls her by her name. "Oi You Dirty Scumbag", Is what he is more likely to say. Never "my dearest Sarah", That will be the day! But Sarah still loves Daddy, She prays for him at night. Dad Has changed so much though, It's an awfully sorry sight. The straightnened perfect hair, and the perfectly done make up. Are only a cleverly crafted mask, For what she's covering up. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Belinda Black - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
good!! i like it. very good |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I loved this.. loved it loved it loved it.. great job.. great emotions.. yet so sad.. i hope this isn't the case in reality but if it is.. so sorry.. I loved this poem though.. great job.. it's going in my library.. ~Heather~  Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
That was really good..I guess I like it b/c many of my friends and me can relate somewhat. Really good.. ~missy |
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK |
Thanks Very Much For The Feedback, Always Good To Know What Others Think ! Much Appreciated ! Thanks ! Belinda x |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey belinda, Awesome poem, sad though. Sad because it’s sad in itself, and sad because that girl is alive, she’s real. Her name might not be Sarah, but she’s out there some where, going through the stuff you described in your poem. It’s very sobering when you think about it. Okay, on to the poem, what I’d say would be… Well, there are two things, one would be that I would change all mentions of the father, to “daddy”, keep it the same, instead of “pap”, “father”, “dad”, I just think that would look better. Also cause you started it out with “daddy”, and I think it sounds more… well, vulnerable for her, more little girlish. Okay, that makes no sense, I don’t even know if she’s a little girl!  Blax.. also on this line “Dad has changed so much though” I would leave out the “though”, I think it would help that flow better, and it would also sound better in my opinion. Very good poem though, I know this is a hard subject to write about, but I think you expressed yourself perfectly. Keep up the good writes  @-->--- |
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