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Teen Poetry #7

Good Night To Goodbyes

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-05-07 09:38 PM

Put the last nail in the coffin
Then bury me deep to die
Theres not even time left
To say my last goodbyes

Through the blood and the glory
Set in stone is the story
Of how I never got to say goodbye
Lying in the casket
Ill say good night

Screaming on my funeral pyre
Dying in the fire
Bleeding on the alter
My heart starts to faulter

So put the last nail in the coffin
Then bury me deep to die
Theres not even time left
To say my last goodbyes

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-05-08 10:47 PM

Wow wow wow.. I loved this very much. the first and last stanza just kinda.. took my breath.. and mind.. I loved it.. the only thing I suggest is the second stanza.. it doesn't flow with the rest of the poem.. but I think that you can work with it.. I loved this.. I can't believe I'm the first to post on this..

great job..going in my library.

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

pullingxthextrigger
Member

since 2006-05-01

Posts 133
MA,..USA llx

2 posted 2006-05-08 11:06 PM

i HAVE to agree with heather! this was sooooo good!! keep up the great work

~nora<3

your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD!

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-05-09 12:12 PM

Hey Tempest,

You are one awesome poet, this poem rocks!!

Only thing I would suggest is maybe a grammar/spelling check on some of the words…

Other than that, like Heather said the first stanza is mind boggling, I loved it a lot.

I can’t wait to see more writes from you, hopefully more like this one

@-->---

themute
Member

since 2006-05-08

Posts 469
Maryland

4 posted 2006-05-12 09:29 PM

Alot of your poems are alike in there tone words of blood and death and stone. However, it seems that in this one thing has shown clear, although it's not to my liking, it's sure populer

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