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Teen Poetry #7
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Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-05-06 01:31 AM



Sadly mistaken for a tragedy
My life keeps breaking right in front of me
The shards keep falling
It never ends
I want to get somewhere
But im running circles again
I go round and round
Untill I give up and just fall down
I reach for your hand
But you just turned and walked away
So on the ground ill stay
Untill the story unfolds
Untill it all opens up
I can feel it on the inside
As my body erupts
Anger blinded and starved for air
Deprived of living and nobody cares

© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
ThePrayers0faBrokenHeart
Junior Member
since 2006-03-19
Posts 10
guam, harmon
1 posted 2006-05-06 02:34 AM


OMFG! i can so relate to this poem! like fr real ! ive been feeling like dat for weeks! like no one is ever there for me and no one cares! i sooo love this work ! even tho its short, it has meanings to it ! keep up the great work!

-chrissy x|3

"&& i realy love you and it hurts me that you dont even a damn care <<3"

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
2 posted 2006-05-06 12:53 PM


Hey Tempest,

I think so far this would be my favorite by you, not that I’ve read very many of your poems, but of the ones that I have read…

As I write my reply I keep reading the poem, there is nothing I would change in this, at least nothing huge, maybe little grammar errors, but that is it! It’s such a good poem just how it is right now.

I can’t seem to pick a favorite out of all of the lines though, their all so very good, and they compliment each other, all of the lines belong where they are at…

Okay, never mind, I found it I loved these lines a lot,

”As my body erupts
Anger, blinded, and starved for air,
Deprived of living, and nobody cares”


Very nice, it kind of makes my morbid side happy… lol

Good write on this one, can’t wait to see more like this

@-->---

mgoodman1989
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 93
Iowa, USA
3 posted 2006-08-21 05:26 PM


Although I'm about 3 months late on this post, this is an awesome poem. I'm posting so that it goes back to the top, and more ppl read it. It's an awesome poem...

Much love,

Michelle

cherrys_rule
Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442

4 posted 2006-08-21 06:47 PM


I like this one b/c i can relate to this one so much. Man I love poems that i can relate to, and this one i can. I love that. Thaks for sharing. And once again I hope to see more in the future.

mgoodman1989
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 93
Iowa, USA
5 posted 2006-09-03 12:48 PM


Boosting, more ppl need to read this one

*I love him oh yes I do, he's for me and not for you, and if by chance you take my place, I'll take my fist and smash your face!*

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
6 posted 2006-09-03 08:59 PM


Wow Bryan, I really liked this poem by you.  I think you did a great job!

~Alli~

wwzwlmd8
Member
since 2006-09-23
Posts 96
San Diego,CA
7 posted 2006-09-25 07:48 PM


I enjoyed reading it I think it was great and I would be happy if you will read my poems to. Great job.


surf_painter
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434
Canada
8 posted 2007-04-10 08:49 PM


wow i liked this one alot, very interesting because it sounds and depicts alot that i see in everyones daily life and i am glad someone was finally able to capture a piece of the reality we live in
~XxMz.NerdyRockstarxX~
Junior Member
since 2011-01-14
Posts 15
Alabama, United States
9 posted 2011-01-14 08:32 PM


Man the more i read from you the better it gets like i cant even explain how much i relate to this poem and for how long and you captured it in words....just WOW

~XxExpect Nothing N You'll Never Get HurtxX~

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