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Teen Poetry #7

no pain no gain

duncan idaho
Member

since 2003-11-14

Posts 70
dune

0 posted 2003-11-21 02:27 PM

Esether's epiphany

Esether stared at his reflection and held

his breath. He felt the warmth rising over

the horizon and he closed his eyes.He tried

to calm himself, and bring his struggling

lungs to rest. Esether felt

the blood pulsing in his throat,

preparing itself for that inevitable

release of air. He opened his eyes and

the sky changed to a clear, transparent

orange as the sun crawled towards him.

Hew as intent on resisting his body's cries

for air. He saw the star crest the treeless

hill and he opened his mouth. His body

shook with joy as he gasped for air next

to the pond. Yellow light illuminated the

wet grass, and his hot breath swirled inthe

cool wind. Bending over, putting his hands

on his knees, he inhaled for the first time

in his new life.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2003-11-21 08:57 PM

this is too cool!

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-11-22 09:33 PM

good ooonnnnnnneeeeeeeee

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2003-11-23 10:04 PM

I like the story to this.
Nicely done.
" the blood pulsing in his throat, preparing itself for that inevitable release of air."

I can tell you chose your words carefully, and you created great visuals.

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

4 posted 2003-11-24 02:32 AM

I agree with Lexi...the story is good and effective.
Enjoyed reading this one...thanks for sharing.

Just wanna be funny,looks like the joke's on me.
So call me Captain Backfire.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2003-11-24 05:28 PM

This is definitely unique; I like it a lot (although I could get more than one interpretation out of it). The descriptions are fabulous

Life isn't really all that bad... just don't take it too seriously
"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. "
--G. K.Chesterto

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