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Teen Poetry #7
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Dont Quit
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Dont Quit |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
Don’t Quit Your being very lazy When all you want to do is sit Your not going crazy You just want to quit When life gets tough And you don’t know what to do don’t get rough Because you can change it too Success will come It may take a while But that’s enough To make you go that extra mile You may want to end it Leave it for someone else to do But then you quit And set a bad example too The Red Sox took 86 years Just to win the World Series Many fans shed tears But the team didn’t sit and eat berries The Red Sox team tried their best They never quit They didn’t rest They went for it We need to achieve ours dreams It may seem like forever But soon you’ll gleam And everyone will know your very clever ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ k i rly dont want to hear how much u hate the red sox cuz then i'll hunt u down :p <3 ~nora your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong |
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| © Copyright 2006 Nora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
i have noticed that in alot of your poems they really dont rhyme all the time they just look like they would and it doesnt always work... like in this one... i dunno bout the whole concept of it either it didnt work for me either |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Ummmm. Nora, no offence, but this isn't your best work. It does rhyme, it just doesn't flow very well. Spelling is great and it looks pretty well organized so, nice write. I'm not really interested in baseball. That is what the redsox play right? I'm a football kind of girl. There isn't much left to say...... TTYL Jessica |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
thx for replying i had to do a "deep" poem for english and i HATE doing these "give a message" kinda poems hahaha at least i know now that these are RLY not my kind of poems ~nora <3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong </3 llx - P!ATD! |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Nora, Yes, like everyone else said not one of my favorite by you… so far. I think that with a little bit of polish this poem could rock! And, umm, I don’t dislike the Red Sox, but… umm, maybe not for this poem? If what this is for is supposed to be something deep, I wouldn’t use them, I mean their a good example for other things, but with a poem that is trying to “promote” a deeper side, baseball just doesn’t cut it, no offence. Btw, I didn’t know what/who the Red Sox’s were either, so I’m not dissin on em  Also, on a couple of the stanzas they do not make sense to me, and on this one, ”We need to achieve ours dreams It may seem like forever But soon you’ll gleam And everyone will know your very clever” this stanza has nice rhythm, but the line, “soon you’ll gleam”, I’m not sure I’d use it there, it is the right word, but it has a couple different meanings, and when I first read this I instantly thought of a different one than the intended. I did like this stanza though, ” Success will come It may take a while (maybe it’s “awhile”?) But that’s enough To make you go that extra mile”, I know that it isn’t supposed to be funny, but I thought it was, cause I was kind of thinking “extra mile”, “smile”? Yes, I’m an idiot… So, even though I didn’t, think this was one of your better ones, I’m still going to say good write, because it has a lot of potential in it. @-->--- |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
lol hahaha it is funny k, well i live in a city near boston and my english teacher is a baseball FANATIC she loves them a couple of days ago was home-opener and my teacher wanted us to compare them and stuff, but make it deep i know that doesnt make sense but best i could word it in thx for replying ~nora <3 your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong </3 llx - P!ATD! |
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