Teen Poetry #7 |
She Lives Within You |
mgoodman1989 Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 93Iowa, USA |
Alone with her shadow she silently weeps confesses her troubles and the secrets she keeps Alone with her shadow she's happy and free expresses her feelings and how mad she can be Alone with her shadow she uncovers the bruises the pain lies within the love that she loses Alone with her shadow she'll always be nobody loves her she can finally see Alone with her shadow this girl can reflect she lives within you in a world of neglect This poem is something that most everyone can relate to in one way or another. Everyone has that little girl/boy inside of them that wants to be set free. Everyone tries to be someone that they arent to impress a group of friends that, chances are, in ten years they wont even see anymore. So, the message I am trying to get accross in this poem is: Be true to yourself, be the real you, and the best that you can be. |
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© Copyright 2006 Michelle Elizabeth Goodman - All Rights Reserved | |||
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, I loved the rhythm in this, or in most of this. I think that the second and third stanzas kind of lost some of the flow… Also, even though the message you’re trying to get through with on this poem is a good one, I didn’t really see it. Sure, everyone has that little kid in them, and I agree, it sounds like you are talking about a person with a little kid in them, I just don’t see how you are saying in this be true to yourself, no offence of course. Wait… or maybe I do in a little way, it’s not something I think you notice right off, you have to think a little longer about it, and read your note. Anyway, I loved this stanza best, cause I think I can relate to it best, “Alone with her shadow she silently weeps confesses her troubles and the secrets she keeps” this part just seems so … like me, real to me, me, me, me! I would love to see more of your work, so I hope that you will continue to post, and maybe even post more than you are @-->--- |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I love this poem of yours.. It's going in my library.. i have one of my other favorite too.. "hearts all break the same" or something like that.. this was a great piece.. Hope to hear more.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
ps... I'm reposting because I forgot to put this in my library.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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mgoodman1989 Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 93Iowa, USA |
Thanks guys for the posts. I know what you mean Stargal, and I'm flattered girl next door... lol |
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